careless // joshler

24; tyler

mentions of dysphoria and a slight mention of substance abuse!

tyler had a boyfriend.
tyler had a boyfriend, and his boyfriend was the most beautiful and stunning boy ever. be it because of the fact tyler was still all heart-eyes and giggly the morning after the date, or because he was in actual love, but he was sure joshua was an angel. or a god. or like, a titan or something. a powerful, worshiped creature, nevertheless. although tyler didn't want anyone else to be worshiping his boy.

today was an alright day to tyler in that way, but he was dreading the appointment he had later on during the day. he had been desperately trying to get on t for years, but since he had been under-aged, his parents should've consented as well, which tyler thought was kind of bullshit. how could a child's well-being be so much in the hands of their parents, even if those parents were horrible?
but yeah, today tyler had yet another appointment where he'd try to convince that yes, he was really transgender, and yes, he really wanted and needed the t, and yes, he was aware it couldn't be reversed after some while. he knew it, and that's exactly what he wanted. he wanted to finally have the body he was supposed to have, not one he despised and wanted to tear apart just for existing in the first place. he so desperately wanted to feel free for the first time in his life. on other aspects he had already achieved it, he had a roof over his head, he had gotten rid of his parents, he had an actual boyfriend. finally starting t would be the final staple for the coffin of his old, unwanted and disliked life.

"frank?" tyler called as the door to the apartment opened and closed. "is that you?"

"yeah! and gerard, too," frank answered. after a few seconds the black-haired boy emerged in the doorway to the bedroom. "how're you feeling, kid?"

"nervous," tyler honestly replied, twirling the pencil he was holding. "fucking nervous."

"it's gonna be alright, me and gee will both be there with you," frank said as he sat on the bed beside tyler and ruffled his hair. "you don't gotta be nervous, we got you."

"just don't beat the poor dude up," tyler chuckled. "that's definitely not gonna help."

"hey, i won't make any promises," frank laughed. "you're my trans child, i have to make sure you get treated right."

"well, thanks, trans dad," tyler smiled, grateful to have someone there to support him.

"so am i your dad, too?" gerard asked as he walked in the room. "i'm your gay dad."

both frank and tyler laughed at gerard and tyler promised the two that they were his dads, causing the two to burst out into laughter. tyler was being completely honest, he felt as though he could call gee and frank more his parents than his actual parents. the two had been there for him for god knows how long, and even thought they weren't that much older than tyler, it still felt like they might as well just be his dads.

"so then, ty, are you ready to start going?" gerard asked, a small smile on his face.

"i don't think i'm ever ready to go there, but yeah," tyler replied, standing up from the floor he had somehow ended on after frank had shoved him. "i just wanna be a guy, for real."

"our child is growing up," frank sighed. "times fly."

"dude, come on," tyler groaned, but he couldn't help but smile. "let's go. time to hopefully start changing the fact that on all levels except physical i am a man."

"you're a meme," gerard replied. "but let's go."

the three of them made their way out of the apartment and into franks car, where tyler graciously gave up the front seat for gerard since frank was the one driving. mostly because gerard had lost his drivers' license for some time due to driving while under the influence of substances, which was partially tyler's fault. luckily neither gerard nor frank were holding grudges against the brunet. as the radio started playing some ridiculous pop song about boning and boobs, most likely, tyler tried to relax and remember to breathe, which proved out to be quite a difficult task. the thoughts in his head felt like they were suffocating him under a black coating of doubt and insecurity. the voices kept telling him he was never going to be anything else than the pitiful girl june joseph that his id card showed. the disgusting, revolting girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes. everything so feminine and delicate, so far from the man he was supposed to be.

as the car came to a stop at the familiar parking lot of the clinic, tyler's head was screaming at him to stop being stupid and hoping that something would change after he went there.

"tyler? you okay there?" gerard asked, waving his hand in front of tyler's face when he didn't get an answer. "tyler? we're here."

"hm..?" tyler mumbled as he looked at gerard. "o-oh, yeah, yeah, i'm good. let's just, let's just get out."

with that, tyler pushed open the door and left the car. he started the dreadful walk towards the main doors of the building, but he was quickly accompanied by his friends on either side of him. he felt the slightest bit of relief knowing he wasn't facing the doctor alone this time, but he was still utterly terrified.

everything's gonna go so wrong. so fucking wrong.