trigger warning for suicidal thoughts!
"what do you mean? he lives on the street?" brendon asked, his voice slightly odd.
josh just assumed it was the weed or whatever, he wasn't a pro at the subject.
"well, i mean, i don't know that for a fact," josh replied, poking his fork into his spaghetti. "but it could be."
"woah," brendon gasped.
josh wasn't as impressed. he actually felt sorry for the boy. sorry even though he had threatened to kill him if he ever even as much as looked his way again.
this part, of course, josh had left out of the version he told brendon for obvious reasons. he just didn't want his friends to worry about him more than they already did, having to make sure josh wasn't left alone in a crowded place or a secluded place, either.
the first ones usually made him have terrible panic attacks, and the latter ones for him to get way too lost in his own thoughts that literally anything could happen. needless to say, josh wasn't too stable, but he was trying. he wanted to be stable again. he wanted to be able to do things again without having to think everything through beforehand. it just got kind of tiring.
occasionally, josh would feel like it wasn't worth it. like nothing was worth anything. why should he keep trying when the whole universe seems to be against him?
wouldn't it be better to grab that bottle from the corner of the closet and take those white tablets, swallow them one at a time and feel them take over?
wouldn't it be better to finally break free from all these restrictions, from life itself?
wouldn't it be better to leave?
YOU ARE READING
careless // joshler
Fanfictionjosh had been watching the brown-haired boy for a while, and he was certain he wasn't okay. // tyler knew a boy with obnoxiously purple hair had been watching him, and he was getting annoyed.
