I FEEL YOU || Sᴛᴇᴠᴇ Rᴏɢᴇʀꜱ

seventeen

Everybody Cares

Next morning, I didn't have the courage go out of my room again to go get breakfast with others. Instead, Bucky brought me some and we both ate in my room. He mentioned that everybody is worried about me and my mental state.

"Everybody asked about you" he continued while chewing his sandwich "really, no exceptions. Everybody."

"Really, everybody?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him. I couldn't wrap my mind around so many people caring about my health. Like, why?

"Yeah. Every single person that was in the kitchen when I was." he said nodding.

"And who wasn't?"

"Well...um" he stopped eating for a second "I think only Vision and Wanda weren't there. She eats in her room, I've heard."

I sighed "That makes sense."

"Seriously" he said taking another bite "you need to stop self-destructing. You need to talk it out with her."

"There is nothing to talk about." I said finishing my sandwich "I almost killed her, she is thankfully alive and hates me. I can't really blame her for that."

"Well I almost killed Sam." Bucky said "And Steve, multiple times. And they forgave me." he shrugged "We are even best friends now."

"Well" I imitated him "you don't remember a thing about what you did and how it felt."

"I remember a shadow." he opposed "I remember the time Steve and I fell from a helicarrier and I saved him from drawing after beating him up." he said, smiling proudly.

"And you don't remember the time you ripped out the steering wheel from Sam's hands while he was driving?" I asked him, smiling even wider.

"The time I what!?" he stood up, pure confusion in his eyes "He never told me about that. That can't be true!" he laughed nervously.

I laughed "Yeah, I know he didn't. He told me though."

Our laughing session was soon interrupted by a knock on the door. Bucky opened the door, since he was already standing, revealing none other than Steve Rogers himself.

"We have a mission. You are coming, you might have some knowledge about what we're facing." he said to Buck.

"Can I help?" I asked standing up.

"No, you are staying. It's not a big deal, just a lead on an old Hydra facility we wanna turn to ash." he smiled after seeing the disappointment on my face "Don't worry, Rhodey will be in the living room if you need him. He isn't going either."

I forced a smile and nodded. Bucky and Steve then said goodbye and I wished them good luck. Then they left. And I stayed in my room, alone.

...

After an hour or two of more self-destructing and staring at the wall, I got really bored and decided to go see Rhodey. It couldn't hurt to talk to him.

"Hey Snowflake." he greeted me as soon as I stepped inside the room.

"Snowflake?" I rose my eyebrows in confusion caused by the given nickname.

"Yeah you know, Winter Soldier?" he paused waiting for my approval "No? Okay. Come, sit." he said motioning towards the couch he was sitting on.

I gladly sat next to him, curling my right leg under myself so I could face him better.

"So, what's up?" he asked, starting a conversation.

"Nothing much in the moment" I sighed "that's why I came here, I was bored."

"Oh, I'm flattered." he said putting his hand on his heart "But I bet you can tell me something. How you feelin'? Wanna talk about that?"

"Well...sure. If you wanna talk about it." I said, realising that now would be the time to take Steve's advice and let people who want to help- help. If Rhodey is one of those people. And I believed he was.

...

"So, you're telling me that you, the Winter Soldier Number 11, is having a mental breakdown right now?" he asked after a few minutes of me explaining how I feel about my current situation. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt good to let all of that out.

"Well" I shrugged "I'm afraid I don't know what that means but yeah, sounds about right."

"Weren't you supposed to have a stone heart and like, be feeling-proof?"

I chuckled "I am, yeah. But it's kinda hard to act like that when you remember almost killing the friends you call family."

"Is that why Barnes is so good at it?" he raised his eyebrows "Cause his ass doesn't remember shit?"

"Yeah" I laughed "yeah, that's probably why. At least that's why I held it together all these years. Or maybe I'm just not strong like that anymore." I shrugged "I don't even know."

"Pfft, girl." he said disagreeing with me "I'm pretty sure that if you look up the definition of strong your picture pops up. You are one of the strongest women, hell, people like, ever."

I smiled, blushing "Thank you."

"You are very welcome." he smiled "Now, why did you say you don't want to face Wanda?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I sighed "I almost ended her life and she probably hates me for it. I can't really judge her, it is a big deal."

"But you didn't do it. It wasn't you."

"Why does everybody keep saying that? Even if she understood that it wasn't actually me and I got some strength to face her over the massive guilt I'm feeling, there is no way she can look me in the face and act like nothing ever happened." I sighed again "It's a traumatic experience. The whole thing was, for me, I can't even begin to think about what she must be feeling."

Rhodey nodded "It does make sense I'll tell you that... What would you tell her if you were going to talk to her?"

"That I'm sorry." I shrugged "And that I don't expect my apology to be accepted."

"Your apology is accepted." I heard a weak voice from behind us.

"Wanda" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding "I'm so sorry." I said once again, looking her fragile body up and down as she stood by the wall, holding on it for support, with Vision behind her, ensuring she doesn't fall.

"It's okay. I know it wasn't you. I do understand." she smiled "I know how hard it is to be mindcontrolled into doing terrible things. I was afraid of myself too, a while back. You just need to get past that."

I smiled, tears piling up in my eyes "Thank you. Thank you so much."

She smiled back and slowly made her way to the couch. She sat next to me and looked me in the eyes "Don't worry, these people here all care about each other. We are a family here, we don't abandon the ones who are in trouble. Everybody cares about everybody when it comes to a situation like this."

"Everybody cares?" I asked, somewhat in disbelief.

"Yes, yes they do." Wanda confirmed and smiled once again before hugging me.

Her fragile hands wrapped around my neck as her head rested on my shoulder. The action frightened me at first, the fear of hurting her again made it's way to my body, but after a few deep breaths I gave in a carefully wrapped my arms around her waist. That's when I felt the feeling I was searching for these, almost two, years I've been here. That is when I finally felt the warmth of belonging. Belonging in this odd team of ours.

Maybe, even, I finally felt like everybody here cared.