I FEEL YOU || Sᴛᴇᴠᴇ Rᴏɢᴇʀꜱ

twenty seven

Dust In The Wind

After the snap, everything was really bright for a second. And when the light disappeared, and I could see my surroundings again, I saw Thanos.

He looked just as confused as I was. He made eye contact with me and just disappeared in the same black cloud he came out of.

"Where did he go?" Steve asked, breathing heavily. He looked around in disbelief. "Thor? Where did he go?"

Thor stood in silence. I got up from the ground.

It was just and only silence. Nothing was happening. Until it started.

"Steve?" we heard from behind. Steve and I turned around. It was Bucky.

He was... he was disappearing into dust.

"No." the sound barely left my lips. I couldn't believe it.

Steve walked over to the pile of dust and a machine gun, which was in Bucky's hands a few seconds ago. He knelt down and touched the dust. There is no need in explaining how he felt in that moment. How we both felt.

"No, no, no..." Rocket cried too as Groot disappeared into the wind.

I turned around to see Wanda kneeling next to Vision who's lifeless body was laying on the ground. After a moment, she was gone too.

I dropped on my knees. So many people died today. And they could've lived if I just did my job.

My heart started racing, I could barely breath. I was just waiting for initiating panic attack protocol.

"An." I heard Steve gasp and his arms were instantly around me "Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes filled with worry.

"I-" I tried not to cry "It's okay, I deserve to die." I smiled, caressing his face..

"What? No." he furrowed his eyes at me "It's not your... fault." he stopped talking as his eyes widened and he looked down at his hands.

"Steve, no." I reached out for his arm but the wind... It just... He was gone.

I looked up from the ground to see Bruce, Rhodey, Thor and Nat. They were, too, standing in disbelief.

"Oh God." Natasha sighed.

"What now?" Rhodey asked. But he didn't get an answer.

Tony wasn't here. Steve was gone. Who was supposed to give him the answer?

"We should clean up the mess and go." Nat finally said.

...

That's how it was. We took Vision's body with us to safely store it at the compound. We said goodbye to our Wakandan friends even though, as we learned when we came back to the palace, T'challa was dusted too. And we went back home.

The ride was silent. Nobody wanted to believe the reality was real and everybody was blaming themselves.

It was a wonderful experience, the ride home.

And just as we landed, everybody went their separate ways. To deal with their own demons.

...

I sat on the roof of the compound and just stared at the trees surrounding the place.

Not many people could find me here. A few of them could even get here, not everybody can fly. But even if someone found me here, what would I say?

Would I silently continue my staring? Angrily yell in the distance? Or would I break down in a million pieces while tears stream down my cheeks?

The pounding in my head let me know the third option was the most probable one. It physically hurt me to keep my emotions in check and not to burst into tears. My head hurt, I could barely breath, my chest felt too small for my lungs.

I said it once and I said it a thousand times, I felt a lot of pain in my life. And this type of pain is the worst there is.

I laid down on my back and stared at the sky. The sun was setting and the sky started changing colors. It was beautiful.

I closed my eyes.

But without him, without my friends, why did it matter? They were everything I had.

Steve and Bucky were dusted. Wanda too. Sam. Maybe even Tony. We didn't even know where he was. Or Peter.

I never felt the loss of a teammate. Not like this. Not even almost killing Wanda couldn't compare to this feeling. The emptiness I felt. The self hatred. Like I actually killed them this time

"You wanna talk?" I heard a voice from the ground.

"How did you even find me here?" I asked, not bothering to open my eyes. I knew it was Natasha.

"I just knew you were up there." she said "But there is also a black tornado-thing above you. I actually came here to check on that."

I looked up. A big black cloud was really circling above me, but it disappeared as soon as I opened my eyes.

"Wanna come down here and talk?" she asked after a small pause.

"Since when are you interested in talking?" I smirked at her as I stood up.

"Don't make me change my mind." she smiled and went towards the benches next to the entrance.

I jumped off the roof and walked over to her. I sat down and just continued looking at the sunset.

"What are we gonna do now?" Nat asked.

"You are asking me?" I sighed "I guess we're doomed then."

"Tony trusted you, Steve did, I do too." she smiled "Everybody does."

"I highly doubt that." I said, still staring at the sun "If I did my job maybe everybody would still be alive... Tony made a mistake when he took me in all those years ago."

Natasha just sighed "I really wish Steve was here to talk to you. I don't know how to make you feel better. He would."

I grinned "Maybe."

"How do you feel about losing him?" she asked, carefully.

I looked at her and furrowed my brows "Why would you ask that?"

"I'm sorry, I just want to make you feel better, I-"

"He just disappeared in a cloud of dust. That doesn't mean we can't bring him back. It's magic, it has to have a loophole." I said and faced the sun again "We just need to figure out what it is."