Secrets. (Asa Butterfield Sequel to 'Changes')

45

Asa
I felt terrible for lying to Gemma. I didn't have a meeting the day of her first ultrasound, I made that up because I didn't think I could cope with seeing a baby I didn't even want.

As Gemma's pregnancy progressed, it started to sink in even more, and I realised I did not want another kid. The twins were only 8 months, and yet they were proper little handfuls already. They had started crawling at 7 months, and Gemma and I had to keep a close eye on them, which included baby-proofing the house. I loved them so so much, and truly didn't believe I could love another little being as much as I loved my baby girls.

I could tell that Gemma was upset that I "couldn't make" the scan, but she didn't press me about it, which made me feel 100 times worse. That morning, once she had finished getting dressed, she came into the living room where I was sitting with the twins. Aria crawled over to me and placed her little hands on my knees, staring straight at me and I smiled, leaning forward to kiss her little nose which made her giggle.

When Jessica saw Gemma she said, "Ma!" and crawled over to her, holding her little arms up signalling she wanted to be held. Gemma cooed and picked her up, kissing her little head. "Have you been having fun with daddy?" She giggled, hugging Jessica close to her and smiling while she looked over at Aria who had crawled right into my lap. They were very clingy little girls, always loved to be picked up and held, but Gemma and I absolutely loved that about them.

"Yeah, we've been having fun, isn't that right Ari?" I looked at the little girl in my lap and she smiled, hiding her face in her little hands. She was so cute.

"My appointment is soon so I think I'm just going to bring them to my mom's now. Are you sure you can't get out of this meeting? I'm sure your manager would understand." She looked at me, and I could see a little bit of sadness in her eyes, which caused my heart to drop. I hated lying to her.

"I'm sorry baby, but I don't think I'll be able to make it out of this one. It's really important."

"Asa, I think our unborn baby is more important than some meeting, but whatever." She sighed, walking out of the room with Jessica to put her little coat and shoes on. I shook my head, standing up with Aria and bringing her over to where Gemma and Jessica were to put her shoes on too.

"My work is important because it's what supports you and the babies, Gemma." I responded, putting Aria's little purple raincoat on. Gemma shook her head.

"You can't reschedule this 'meeting'? You can't take a few hours out of your day to come to the scan with me to see if the baby is okay?" She frowned at me, grabbing the car keys.

"You can keep me updated, you don't need me there with you."

Gemma stared at me, "I don't need you there, but it would be nice to have you there to know you actually care. You made the baby too, you know? It's as much your responsibility to ensure he or she is healthy as it is mine."

I didn't know what to say, just finished putting Aria's shoes on. I felt so guilty.

Gemma sighed, "Can you at least help with the girls? Put Aria in her car seat once you're finished." She lifted Jessica and brought her out to the car. Aria looked up at me curiously.

"Ma? Je?" I cooed.

"We're going to see mummy and Jessie now, you're going to grandma's! Are you excited?" I smiled, picking her up and carrying her out to the car where Gemma was buckling Jessica in.

Aria squealed and hid her face in my chest, indicating she was excited. I chuckled, kissing her head and carefully placing her in her car seat, buckling her in securely.