Smoking
Smoking , something that is wrong that someone my age shouldn't be doing right?
HA WRONG .
I have been smoking and doing drugs ever since I was 10.. the first drug I did was marijuana .. you know start simple ? until I came to one hardcore drug.
Cocaine.
and the only reason why I did drugs was to become stress free.
At the age of 10.. I remember that i use to call it the age of nightmares, I rebelled badly.. super ..
I would sneak out at night
Go off into the street to meet up with some boy
You wondering who this boy is right ?
Let me introduce to you to the guy who taught me everything ..
My first boyfriend ever
Omar Bustamante
He was 2 years older than me, he went to the same elementary school as me.. and he was the one who taught me what weed and cocaine were..
he taught me many things as a 10 year old , I thought myself .. I was a pretty bad ass 10 year old
I was fucking wrong
I was in love with getting high, that's all I pretty much thought of half of my entire life .. I mean now I've been clean 8 months so I'm pretty good I guess
My parents hated me for doing it .. they wanted to disown me for it.. but me getting High especially on cocaine , made me even more aggressive and agitated, my parents didn't know what to do with me anymore.
Until one day , I did something I regret more than anything in the world .. I screamed at the top of my lungs at my mom while I was high .. and I thought that was the last straw.
At the age of 11 , I was suffering even worse .. every time I was high .. I would have listened to voices that told me to kill my self , my family and parents really thought I was crazy
My uncle recommended my mother to take me to the san diego girls rehabilitation center next to the juvenile hall near the rady children's hospital , so I went there for a week.
Worse experience of my fucking life
I was the only 11 year old in a prison like rehab with other 15-18 year old crack heads and other people who had different mental issues
I was terrified.
It was exactly like a prison , wearing the same uniform as the other kids , having to be locked in your room .. and kinda being in a crazy house because you hear the crackheads or heroin addicts screaming in the middle of the night and having restless nights because of it
most of them suffering from withdrawal symptoms and so was i
withdrawal: Physical and mental symptoms that occur after stopping or reducing intake of a drug.
the worst fucking thing anyone can go through, in there you had to have a nurse assigned to you to help you go through that.. it was so much throwing up and sweating horribly. the nurse i got assigned was nurse sebastian, he helped me go through so much and he handled me screaming at the top of my lungs, trying to get out of his grip, he would hold onto me as hard as he could , while i was screaming and sweating so horribly.
i mean i was addicted.. those two drugs helped me in so much and i was in love with them..
nurse sebastian actually handled me more than my own parents did, and i thank him for that.. after i returned back home from the facility.. i was doing much better ,i was clean .. after that also.. i did not have a good relationship with my parents anymore.. they thought i was still a crazy person for what i did.. but i did not hold anything against them , dont worry i thought i was a crazy person too.but i actually thank my parents for sending me to that facility.. because if it werent for them than id be high asf.
i love you both more than anything in the fucking world.
off to the next chapter.
