Therapy
Hurt
Damaged
thrown
Used
Broken
Some words that your able to use to describe me.
after what happen between me and Leo.
I was more broken than a heart during a tough breakup.
I would cover myself with blankets and cry, showing up to school with a fake smile and saying that everything was ok, but actually it wasn't.
I was fucking hurt.
I mean how the hell are you suppose to react when someone basically sexually assaulted you? And when you taught, that he should be the one hurting for hurting you .. but actually the entire world is against you. Many people in school told me it was my fault.
I sent mixed signals
I wanted it
I asked for it
even people who were close to me , told me that I sent mixed signals, that he didn't know I didn't want it so it was my fault.
You have no fucking idea how much I wanted to die during that time, I was so fucking broken I just didn't want to come to school anymore.
I would show up in the counselors office having either panic attacks or just plain on crying.
I have lost hope for life.
I was once again put in treatment for my depression and bipolar disorder.
Everyone though I was getting better, my mom was happy for me when I graduated therapy.
But I was once again put im therapy and forced to take medications again.
I was forced to tell the therapist once again everything that happen to me, but I liked ranting to someone about how I felt because I seriously taught I was going to lose my god damn mind.
I told her that I wanted to die, that I've never felt this depressed before, and i can't do or show anything about it because i would be either called crazy or dumb.
I was never safe anywhere to show my feelings.
when I was at school, if I looked sad.. everyone would start talking about it.. I would be bullied at school and made fun of until I felt like hurting myself, and when I came home.. I had my grandmother telling me that what he did wasn't a crime, that what he did is something I wanted because of how much of a slut I am.
The only way I would feel safe is laying in bed , with earbuds in listening to sad music and thinking about how shitty my life is.
You have no idea how disappointed I was in myself
I guess therapy was able to help me express myself since I wasn't able to do it with anyone else, I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems.
During that time, my emotions just raised even more, I'd get sad easy , mad easy , happy easy. I also threatened someone telling them I was going to throw a chair at them because they told me I sent Leo mixed signals.
Everyone basically hated me.
people also threatened me by saying they were going to beat me up because I was the one who sent Leo to jail.
A message to leo:
you ruined my fucking life, you broke me , you fucking hurt me and most of all you made me feel like shit. I hope that your life will be ruined forever since you basically ruined mine. Till this day, i can't get out of my mind what you did to me and it hurts me , it hurts me to think I once taught of you as a actually friend , i guess sometimes people can't trust backstabbing bitches right ?
