Breaking the Barrier

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Heyyyy 🙃💙  did you miss me?

"Because I love you." 🤧

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___________________________
Amerie (She's back bitchessss🤪)

I lay on top of Jay his arms wrapped securely around my body.  It was the first night I was sleeping with the lights off.  I slept okay for a while before I woke up and now I was just up lookin at Jay while he slept.

I felt bad that I was keeping him up all these nights. As I lay here I feel the rise and fall of his chest and try to mimic his breathing. My failed attempt makes me let out a dry cough and Jay wakes up.

"You aight?"

"Yeah... I was trynna breathe like you." I admit.

"Stop doin dumb shit." He replies and I couldn't help my laugh a little.  He's the only person I know that can be comforting and mean at the same time.

His voice was deep with the hint of raspiness. The sexiest shit ever on me. This man could've told me to do anything at this moment  and I would've done it. There's nothing sexier than a mans sleepy/morning voice.

I continue to lay on top of him and he rubs my back up and down. He was quiet but I could tell he was still up.  I wanted to say something to him but I didn't wanna bring the memories back up.

I lay there for a while before I work up the courage to speak.

"Jay?"

"Hmm?"

"T-they really fucked me up." I say and I find myself pressing against him more. Jay doesn't say anything instead be wraps his arms around me.

I breathe in and out trying to relax myself.

"It was so ma-" I sigh. "So many niggas that hit me. I never seen so many niggas attack one female who was tied up." The memories flash in my eyes and I quickly blink them away.

"There was one... th- the day I got there that beat me then he..." I was holding back to tears that were tapping at my eyes.

Honestly, I was tired of crying. I wasn't a sensitive person so to have cried this much these past few days was killing me.

Without saying a word Jay rubbed my back comforting me. I was quiet for a moment before continuing.

"He not only beat the fuck outta me but then he spit on me." Thinking back to when Keon spit on me brought so much anger and rage to me.  I instantly tensed up and I can feel Jay tense up too but he quickly relaxed himself which encouraged me to do the same.

"At one point, I thought they would beat me to death, I had been kicked, punched, slapped, spat on, pissed on, and I..." the tears I tried so hard to fight back trickled down my face. "I just felt so worthless." My words came out soft and quiet.

I close my eyes trying to stop the tears from falling.

"I didn't know what I did that was so wrong, but part of me felt like I deserved
It." I pause trying to force my words out.

"I remember the first day they beat me... I had asked to go to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and all I wanted to do was cry. I was in so much pain but nothing hurt more than hearing them say you sent me to them."

I squirmed a little trying to get comfortable again.

"And for a second I actually believed it." My voice cracked as I finished my sentence and I swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.