Let Me In (book 2 - follow on from Abandoned)

1

Jane's PoV

The motion and the noise is second nature to me now as I hit my punch bag repeatedly, sleep doesn't come easy to me, it never really has for the past couple of years but I function, yet I'm far too used to it, running daily on very little sleep and drinking far too much coffee, as long as I don't get too stressed out I'm normally good.

I know what you're thinking that's never a good combination but when you've been through the shit I have.

Well you would understand.

It's times like these that I'm glad my neighbour works nights at the hospital because no doubt I would be keeping her up.

My anxiety is high right now it's flowing through me as if it shares the blood in my veins. In two hours I will be walking through the corridors of my old high school, at the age of twenty the youngest teacher to have ever taught there.

I know it should have been earlier, but after having to extend my course at Juilliard changed that, when people say that your past has a way of catching up with you... yeah well don't I fucking know it.

I have never and nor will I ever forget finding Maura lay on the floor of the parking lot.

The image and everything that happened etched on my mind as if it happened only yesterday, it's the worse memories I have compared to all the other shit I went through.

Everything changed then and I mean everything. I can never get that out of my head nor what happened in the aftermath.

Maura is always the strongest images that haunt me whilst I'm both awake and the odd few hours that I manage to sleep, which is weird because I really thought it would have been what happened to me, not her.

The way that Doctor Isles pushed me away after Eddie had attacked her was expected, I never did find out the full extent to her attack but I feared the worse, to the extent that she pushed me away, that, that is what I wasn't prepared for. Her reaction. Her anger, she screamed at me to leave. She told me it was my fault. That she got hurt because of me.

Still to this day I know she was right and I know I failed her. I let her down.

So I did as she asked, only she didn't know that I had got my high school diploma early and I was accepted into an early enrolment at both Juilliard and Berklee. The promises that she made about never pushing me away broken along with my heart, so I took myself to Juilliard instead of staying in Boston. She told me to go. So I did exactly as she asked.

I left, and yet for all she knows I could be dead. I vanished.

Yet here I am in my one bed apartment back in Boston, because I couldn't get a job teaching anywhere else being as young as I am and Mark was the only person that managed to track me down after I left, yet he only managed to get hold of me in my last few weeks of Juilliard, if I had left when I was supposed to then I don't know where I would be right now.

There he was still holding onto his promise that the head of the music department was mine when I qualified, so the only option I had of teaching was to come back here. Where ghosts seem to be at my every turn.

You see when it all went to shit, Maura, Frost and Sam tried to get hold of me but I blocked their calls. I even filed for a guardianship emancipation cutting all ties from the woman who stole and broke my heart. It didn't matter how many women that I wanted to loose myself in at the beginning, I never could, no one could ever compare to her, and they never will, and I hate myself for that, when it came down to it I just couldn't go through with anything, with another woman.

I hate that she told me to leave and I hate that I allowed myself to leave, but now, since what happened to me here I am back to not allowing people to touch me, and I don't mean like before, I mean no one at all. It's been a real long time, since I allowed anyone to touch me, in anyway. I don't allow anyone to get within my personal space.