Let Me In (book 2 - follow on from Abandoned)

38

Jane's PoV

Doing as Maura dominantly asked for, I got changed. Not being able to withstand the music directly hitting my ear drums, I synced my phone to the speakers outside, and here I am sweat uncomfortablly formed over my body, running down every crevasse, as I don't give up my relentless blows to the punch bag, as heavy rock blares from the speakers around me. I know that Maura will have spoken to Steven about what happened, I mean what do you class it as, there's a big difference between telling someone that it hurt's and asking.. no begging them to stop. Verbally.

Yet the damage has already been caused for him, he told him that it hurt he trusted him enough to listen to him and Sam didn't. He has ripped that trust apart from him. It's a dangerous place to fall into loosing trust, having no trust at all to the person that you are supposed to care about, the person that is supposed to care about you enough not to hurt you but unfortunately that trust has been broken into tiny little fragments, and who know's if that can ever be rebuilt. That's down to Steven to make that decision. It is ultimately his choice, no one else's but his. He needs to come to terms with what happened and decide if he can ever allow Sam to begin to rebuild that broken trust.

I can't block the anger out, that I'm feeling towards Sam, towards what has happened. Its opened up a box in which the demons that reside in there, that I had thought were under control to crawl their way out yet, maybe its being blind sided by him in his admission that did it.

Either way I'm not slowing down, I have tunnel vison, it's only when the outside light being turned on begins to pull me back into the reality around me do I notice the bottles of water on the table along with a towel, a top and the patio heater that has been turned on casting some form of heat over to my already cold and numb body. I have no idea how much time I have lost submitting myself fully into what Maura requested me to do.

All I know is that now I have done it there are going to be further questions from her, of things that I haven't disclosed. I know even more that even though I'm submitting to her I'm being drawn back into the present my body is aching from how ever long I've been at this for, along with my knuckles, focusing on the bag in front of me I can see the smears of blood on the leather, from where I have split the skin over them from the continuous blows to the bag, causing the blood to seep through my wraps and paint the bag in crimson.

I have not been fully submitted since being in that basement and what was beaten into me it's hauntingly taking control. Pulling me back from my reality.

I must not stop until I am told I can stop.

Focus.

Do Not Stop.

Do Not Displease.

Do Not Fail.

If You Fail You Are Punished.

You Will Feel Pain.

Maura's PoV

Im unsure as to how much longer Jane will be out there for, it's getting later and it's going colder each time I went out taking her a drink, a towel to wipe herself off with even her top and lastly to make sure that the patio heater was on to try to give her some form of protection from the cold. She never heard me. I have seen her focused before when shes been working out or even playing but this, this is something else. Jane's fixated on that bag.

Watching her form as Steven went to turn the patio light on, I saw it, a flicker of her coming back to the present, for a split second and then it was gone again, she still hasnt slowed her blows. She's continuing to hit that bag with nothing but pure determination.

"How are you feeling now Steven, now that we have spoken about everything, I know that its difficult but I need you to be able to speak to me about this. Not Jane."