Let Me In (book 2 - follow on from Abandoned)

37

Steven's PoV

I declined their offer to go to the bars with them and then out to lunch. I feel terrible for the atmosphere that surrounded them once we picked them up yesterday.

Jay had said that she was cooking a family supper tonight and she clearly noticed how I was feeling and reassured me that it would just be the three of us, because Sam had declined. Which honestly right now deep down I'm extremely glad about.

Why didn't he listen to me? Why didn't he let me speak to him the following day? These are the questions that are plaguing me and I don't know how I exactly feel about any of it. I don't know how to process what happened.

I don't know how I'm supposed to explain it to Maura or Jane. I'm regressing. I'm slipping into Italian all the time because I want my mom but I will never have that, not again. It's something they have never questioned, why I was in the home how long I had been there and I appreciate it. I know they wonder why but they never question, I know they want to know why I'm so fluent in Italian but they respect me enough not to pressure me into telling them. Yet it's all going to end up flooding out and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

When they came back Maura went in her office checking over the admin of the bar and reviewing all the details of the new security that she and Jane had left Tony in charge of sorting out after they both informed him that he is the head of security, with Kyle following closely behind. Jane however was going through all of the samples that were received for the DJ positions. Me, on the other hand I feel like I'm drowning so where do you think I am?,

I'm in the pool letting myself sink and sit on the bottom of it just letting it all out screaming into the water pushing myself up when I need air to only do it again.

Yet this time as I pushed myself up I notice a figure at the side of the pool with her hand on her hip looking concerned.

Maura.

"Steven?" She questions only I shake my head taking another breath and going back to the bottom only this time I hold it not releasing the scream inside of me, I need a release and I don't know how to do it without music.

Yet the tears start to form in my eyes even under the water. Pushing myself up when the burning in my lungs becomes too much. Only this time on my way back up I know it's not Maura as this figure is crouched at the side of the pool with their head tilted to one side.

Jane.

"Ste... use my room." Is all she says as I resurface. Swallowing back the lump in my throat I make my way out, grabbing my towel quickly drying off pulling on a pair of joggers and a top whilst she watches me curiously seeing how fast I got out. She understands. Jane knows, she's knows that you need to process and release. I mean shit she is basically the female older version of me.

She's never allowed me to play her piano before, her other instruments yeah but the piano has always been off limits to me. I know that Sam has played it a couple of times but not for long. Yet here she is offering it up to me to use because she understands, Jane understands that there is something seriously wrong with me, and the only way I might seek any peace is to loose myself within the keys of her piano.

Sitting on the bench raising the lid I decide to raise the housing too, only my eye catches a bottle sitting just underneath on the woodwork, where Jane would stand it when she would be lost in herself, I cant help but wonder if Jay even remembers that its there, because I'm sure Maura wont know.

Jane's had many battles and I am sure
that her drinking is one of the ones that gets to Maura the most, I know that, that bottle will more than likely not end up staying there. Just as my hands were about to fall onto the keys allowing me to loose myself a knock on the door startles me.