You Are So Beautiful To Me...

Chapter 27

Camila's pov

It had been 2 weeks.

2 weeks since I last seen or heard from Lauren.

That horrible night i wasn’t able to sleep, I spent most of the night crying as I held my pillows against me. I felt like I couldn't breath and my chest hurt in ways I've never experienced before that night. At some point I fell asleep but wake up the following morning or evening I assumed, I didn't really know what time of day it was or care for it really. But all of the pain rushed back as soon as I opened my eyes.

 All I wanted was to hear from Lauren. Just something to know we were okay. That she was okay.

The morning after that horrific night i didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could think of was Lauren, what she was doing now. How she felt as those gorgeous eyes of hers turned so dark and were puffy upon how much she’s cried and the tears that followed when she encountered me at her apartment.

I thought I'd try to clean myself up as I showered and changed from my clothes from the night before but I at least knew one thing, i wouldn’t be leaving my home any time soon. How could i be anywhere or go anywhere when my mind was consumed with how to fix the mess I've made and how to stop the pain in my chest as I've let the tears run down my face so many times to even count.  

When i came face to face with her my heart broke in so many places, and fear that i might have ruined the best thing that's happened to me. Her eyes had lost that light greenness and were filled with despair and pain. That was the one thing i never wanted to see and seeing how I was the cause of that made me break even more.

When she told me she needed space I understood that she needed time for what had happened, so I gave it to her. But that didn’t stop me from call most nights when all I wanted to do was see her face, or be in her arms. Kiss those lips that made me want more or have her smile and laugh whenever we were together. Or her voice when she spoke and how she would make my heart beat like crazy with a simple phrases.

I don’t know how many messages I left or how many text messages I left begging to explain myself and try to fix my relationship, I knew we would have some type of disagreement soon seeing as we’ve been nothing but happy but I didn't expect it to end up like this.

Waking up today was no different to most mornings. My head felt heavy and the room looked as if it was spinning. I sighed seeing as the light shone through the window and laid my head for a moment letting my sleepless mind adjust to the room. 

I check my phone for any messages but like every other day i’ve checked for a call or a text. There wasn’t one. The ache in my chest never got better but i’ve fought the urge to let my tears fall once more. 

It was early for a morning and I sighed before trying to wake myself a little more, heading to the bathroom I stood in the mirror just looking over how I look. My eyes seemed darker than usual and my skin seemed lighter, but what stood out was how you could tell i’ve been restless and the small spark of happiness was gone.

I can only imagine what i look like to most people.

I showered hoping that it would wake me and refresh my mind but it only makes me think even more and I didn't want to think about what was still racing through my memory. I cleaned up quick and made my way around my room changing out of my clothes I wore for days. I tried going about my day but I felt no motivation to do anything but sit on my couch and let a random show or movie play on.

But no matter what I did to distract myself, I couldn't help but replay the day over and over again in my head. I should have listened to Dinah when she had told me to be careful. Maybe I wouldn't be here in my home missing someone i didn’t mean to hurt and in the process, hurting myself.