You Are So Beautiful To Me...

Chapter 28

Lauren's pov

“Hey, how are you?” 

“Um…i’m fine” I said as I placed an empty glasses on the rack.

That was the main question you heard whenever someone seemed off. But to be honest that was the first time I've heard one of my friends asked me how I was doing. I could say so many things, or nothing at all but saying nothing would lead to more concern and questions that i really have no energy or motivation to answer. 

Quite frankly I didn't want to think about any of my problems and when people ask about what's going on with me it just makes me think about my problems even more. And to be honest my mind has never stopped thinking about what happened.

Since the moment in the hallway with Camila i hadn’t been okay. If anything I had been feeling empty, lost, broken…..hurt. I told Camila i need time to think  but everyday i thought about her. Her smile, her laugh, her brown eyes. But it was hard to want to be with someone when you don’t know what they are saying is entirely true.

She had left me messages and calls upon calls. 

I was hesitant to read her text and answer her calls, so I didn't but it wasn’t like it didn’t hurt not to answer her calls just to hear her voice.

Camila has been trying to reach me but I couldn’t answer her and let her explain something that could possibly be true of what I saw.

It felt like she broke something in me. And it was too hard to give her a chance when the love she made me feel is replaced with fighting the pain in my chest everytime i thought of her. And it was constant, it’s like I couldn't get her out of my head when almost anything reminded me of her.

She probably thought of so many things but whenever it came to having to sleep at night, i couldn’t without missing Camila arms wrapped around my waist or her head cuddled into my neck. I couldn’t stop the tears that pooled in my eyes every time I closed my eyes. And in those sleepless nights i couldn’t help but listen to her voicemails she’s left and cried my heart out because I didn't know what to believe.

I’ve listened to every word she said and how she cried repeatedly on the phone trying to explain how she wouldn’t do anything to ruin us and how much she loved me.

It hurt to listen to her voice as it cracked everywhere but everytime i replayed her messages I wanted nothing more than to forgive her and call her. But i couldn’t, I just couldn’t.

No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t.

Dinah had been over a couple of times and has been there to comfort me as best as she could and I was grateful. The girls knew as well but I didn't want to have to explain it so Dinah told them what had happened, so I wouldn't have to.

They of course were there for me but talked about anything else and tried their best to make me feel better and it helped a lot. But when they left and I was alone in my thoughts it was like watching myself live my life while my mind was running in circles about Camila.

But I didn't want to think about any of that. 

So I spent most of my time focused on other things and emotionally off as I busted tables, did homework, doing my part.

I was cleaning down tables and stacking dishes when I seen Dinah walk in making her way over to me, but I just continued to clean not wanting to talk about my feelings or whatever it is she had to say about Camila.

“Hey” Dinah said as she made her way to me and I just gave her a quick glance before going back to what I was doing.

“Look I know your mad and upset but please, Lauren...hear her out" Dinah pleaded and I sighed and I closed my eyes and stood there for a moment.