Cotton Candy And Teddy Bears (bxb oneshots) [Finished]

Rage

I'mma put a trigger warning on this because I don't know if this counts as ab*se but it definitely counts as bullying so mmm
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I wish I didn't throw that first punch, the sound of skin contacting with skin still echoed in my head, I wish I didn't shove him into the cold metal, the way he shook after regaining his balance still haunts me, I wish I stopped after just those two actions, he didn't deserve it, he still doesn't.

The cigarette lit up where it was caught on fire as I took a drag, the smoke filling my lungs and coming out my nose like I was a pissed dragon. My eyes stared blankly at the wall, but that wasn't were I was looking, faintly, in my vision, the scene played over and over, his eyes widening on fear at the sight of me, just as he was about to run for it I shoved him into the brick wall and his knees buckle under him, making his small frame drop to the ground, completely at my disposal.

He doesn't fucking deserve it, he deserves to be held and protected and happy and smile like the world isn't slowly crumbling in flames, just the way he used to, guilt sat heavier on my heart, it hurt, even though I was to blame for everything it fucking hurt, it has been ever since I started, but it's too late for forgiveness, I don't know where to stop but I know there's no way he's gonna forgive me after wasting two precious years of his life he could've spent enjoying being alive.

All because I couldn't man up and handle my feelings.

I'm not making excuses, that was never in my character, but it is the reason I became the asshole I am today, a shitty reason to become a shitty human. My sight wavered between reality and the repeated flashback as the ashes from the cigarette landed on the floor, "Goddamn it Finn, snap the fuck out of it and pay attention before I let my mom snap your back" My friend growled as he went to grab something.

My eyes followed him before looking at the coffee table and flicking the rest of the ashes into the ashtray and taking another drag, standing up and stretching then walking over to the front door, contemplating leaving or staying for another hour, "oh no you fuckin don't, get back here and sit the hell down, we were in the middle of something" My friend came back with a damp cloth and cleaned the ashes in a swipe.

A sigh slipped past my lips and I went to go plop back down on the couch, he was so demanding, soon the cigarette was stubbed out but my thoughts never did calm down.

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Later in the week

School was making me lose brain cells, only one or two of my classmates each period were actually using their head the entire time, everyone else was retarded and being around them made me almost pop a blood vessel, my feet stopped midway from taking me outside to go smoke at the scene in front of me.

A dude I've seen once or twice in my homeroom had him, Tyler, pinned to the lockers in a obviously intimidating manner, smirking and slowly winding his hand back, I had no right to be angry:

But I saw red.

Before I could even sense I moved I was next to the pair and grabbing the hood of the dudes jacket, yanking him back hard enough for that alone to hurt like a bitch then slammed his face and chest into the locker, pulling Tyler to me in the process so he wouldn't get hurt, the metal rattled and shook from the force, creating a sound loud enough for people in classrooms to hear it. The dude crumbled to the floor as soon as I let him go groaning in pain, the side of his head and his nose were pouring blood and there was a huge red spot on the dent in the locker where his face had just been, served him right for even daring to lay a finger on the angel I wish I could call mine.