Dirty Duty || TAEJIN ☑️

You need it

I will end this book pretty soon.
Don't worry. 😩

***

I opened the door of Jimin's apartment. I closed it quietly when I heard him talking to someone over the phone. He did not realized that I am already inside his home. But what bothers me the most, he is sobbing.

"Boss I'm sorry. I know I should have not done that. But that's the best that I can do."

Boss. He must be talking to Taehyung.

"I know that boss. I'm sorry. I promise to keep my eyes on him. And please boss, act like you know nothing. I just gambled my life here. Once he knew, I'm dead."

Slight sobbing. I can see Jimin wiping his tears. I quietly put Taejin in the crib that Jimin bought for him.

I wonder why he's crying. Then all of a sudden, he looked behind. Seeing me leaning over and fixing Taejin's crib.

"Yes boss, he's here with..." I saw Jimin's eyes widened. Realizing that the baby is with me. " He's here with the baby boss."

I heard him bid goodbye to whoever his boss is and breathe heavily before facing me.

"So you ranted again that's why he allowed you to bring Taejin home?" Jimin said. Interrogating me.

I shook my head.

"I'm sure you picked up a fight again Jin. I told you not to." Jimin sounded annoyed.

"I did not Jimin." My answers are short and on point. I know Jimin. He will scold me again.

"So why did he allowed you to bring the baby home?" He asked as he leaned down on the crib that he bought for me and talked to my baby in a childish tone. "Baby Jinshi.. Daddy and appa had a fight again right? Sorry baby. Appa is just hard headed."

"Jimin don't say that to Taejin. He knows nothing." I yelled. "Okay! I will try to make everything work out soon. Just please give me some time. Some time Jimin." I settle myself in the dining room. Jimin already prepared our dinner.

Jimin sat across my seat. "What happened?"

"He don't want me to work with your bestfriend." I answered.

Jimin laughed. "He's jealous of Ken?"

"No. He's not. He just said he doesn't want the father of his child to flirt with other men." Those words really get into my nerves.

"He said what?!" Jimin is now smiling at me like an idiot.

"He wanted me to quit that job. Gosh! I will not work to flirt. I will work to earn." The thought made me more frustrated. "Why is he acting like he still owns me? He even call me kitten." The last word came out as a whisper.

Jimin laughed. I know he's mocking at me. "I miss that! Boss calling you kitten." He laughed hysterically. "I can still remember Jin, when I thought your real name was kitten then you got so angry at me."

I rolled my eyes. "Can you stop?"

Jimin takes his time before he finally calms down. He breathe out before seriously looking at me. "Jin, you're afraid to fall in love again right? That's what's holding you back. I know."

I stared at Jimin. Am I really afraid? I have fears. I already told him that.

"You know what Jin. I noticed, you are so defensive. I know you love Tae but you're so hesitant to try. Because you're afraid to lose him again. You're afraid that you'll do something that will hurt him again. You're afraid that he will not give you his full trust again. You don't trust yourself anymore. Am I right Jin?" I don't know how Jimin can see you through my soul. He knew me real well. My feelings, just by looking me in the eye.

"Jimin, you know how much I wanted to be loved. But i always end up getting hurt."

"Because you're looking for love by making wrong decisions!" He looks desperate. Desperate to make me realize things.

"How will I know if going back to him is the right decision? How will I know if he really trust me again? How will I know if he really loves me?" I asked. I don't know how he will answer all of that. But Jimin usually have the right words to say.

"Jin listen very carefully. You know what you're doing now? You love Taehyung but fear is stopping you from loving him. When you love, fear of losing him will always follow. But the down side of you? You're letting that fear to consume you rather than consuming yourself to connect with him. You're afraid to get close to Taehyung because you want to stop the fear right away."

"The fact that Taehyung still loves you, it only mean one thing. He's taking a risk. He's trusting you again. He's making himself vulnerable to you. Because that's what love is all about right? Taking chances. Taking a risk."

"And you, you're already assuming that you will only get hurt. You see, you're too defensive. You always think that the more you love, the more you care, the more you will get hurt. But Jin, that's all part of loving right? Putting our self focus on the side?"

Jimin was right. I want to avoid falling in love. "Can I love myself first Jimin? I think that's the only thing I don't have. I always give more to others that I forgot to save some for myself. I understand you Jimin. I know my fears. I always thought that avoiding to fall in love with Taehyung is the best defense that I can give. That defense giving me the illusion of safety and security from getting hurt."

"I promise you Jimin, I will talk to him soon." I know it will happen soon. Not because I want to or he wants to but because we need to for the sake of our son. "Why were you crying earlier Jimin?"

He was surprised by my question. Maybe he did not realized that I heard him crying earlier. "Nothing. Boss just scolded me. We still have some private missions. I just failed to report one thing."

"He scolded you because you failed to report for one thing?"

"Jin, you know boss well. He hates missing an information. All the information, no matter how small, is important to him. But it's okay now. I already informed him." Jimin gave me a weak smile before reaching from his backside and placing a gun on the table. Pushing it towards my hand.

I stared at the gun then to Jimin. I started to get nervous. "What's the meaning of this?"

"You need that. Fight isn't over Jin." He looked serious. It frightened me even more.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Jin, don't trust anyone. You don't know who your enemies are. I can't tell you the details by now. But you need that. You're safe don't worry. But just in case, carry that gun always so you have something to pull just in case you need to defend yourself."