After (Jikook version)

Chapter 43

My alarm goes off too early and I roll over. I lift my hand, smacking at it to stop the hideous beeping assaulting my ears. My hand smacks against a soft, warm surface, and I blink my eyes open to find Jungkook staring down at me. I reach for my pillow to cover my embarrassment but Jungkook yanks it away. 

"Good morning to you, too," he says with a smile, rubbing at his arm. 

I stare back, working an apology in my mind. How long has be been watching me? 

"You're cute when you're asleep," he teases and I sit up as quick as I can, sure I look fairly hideous, like usual in the morning. 

He hands me my phone. "What's the alarm for?" 

I switch it off and climb off the bed. "I'm going to look for a car today, so you can leave whenever," I tell him and he frowns. 

"You're obviously not a morning person." 

I pull my hand through my hair, in an effort to keep it from looking like a bird's nest. "I am . . . I just don't want to keep you." I feel a little guilty for being rude, but I had expected him to be rude himself, to be honest. 

"You're not. Can I come with you?"

I search around my room, wondering if I heard him correctly. Finally I turn to him with suspicion in my eyes. "To look at a car? Why would you want to do that?" 

"Why do I have to have a reason? You act like I'm plotting to kill you or something." He laughs and stands up, ruffling his hair. 

"Well, I'm just a little taken aback by your cheerful mood this morning . . . and you wanting to go somewhere with me . . . and you not insulting me," I admit. 

I turn away from him and gather my clothes and bathroom kit. I need to take a shower before I go anywhere. 

Unfazed by my honesty, Jungkook presses some more. "It'll be fun, I promise. Just let me show you that we could . . . that I could be nice. It's just one day." 

His smile is beautiful and convincing. But Seulgi will surely break up with me and never speak to me again if she knows that Jungkook stayed the night with me, in my bed, holding me as we slept. I don't know what it is that keeps me constantly afraid of losing Seulgi; maybe it's my fear of my mother's reaction if we broke up, or maybe that my old self is so tied to Seulgi. She has always been there for me, and I feel like I owe it to myself and her to continue our relationship. But I think the biggest reason is that I know Jungkook can't and won't give me the type of relationship I need and honestly want from him. 

While I am lost in my thoughts it finally seems okay for me to admit that listening to Jungkook's steady breathing in my ear while he slept was worth never speaking to Seulgi again. 

"Earth to Jimin!" Jungkook calls from across the room and I snap to. I have been frozen standing here debating with myself and completely forgot Jungkook was even in my room. 

"Is something wrong?" he asks and steps toward me. 

Oh, nothing, just that I am finally admitting to myself that I'm not straight and I have feelings for you and want more from you, yet know you will never care about anyone, especially me.

"Just trying to figure out what to wear," I lie. 

His eyes move down to the clothes in my hands, and he tilts his head but only says, "So, can I come? It will be easier for you, anyway—so you don't have to take the bus." 

Well, it might be fun. And it would be easier. "Yeah, okay," I say. "Just let me get ready." I walk toward the door and he follows me. 

"What are you doing?" I ask him.