After (Jikook version)

Chapter 30

"He's not so bad, I guess," Seulgi says when the door closes. 

I laugh nervously. "What?" And when she raises her eyebrow at me, I continue: "Nothing, I am just surprised to hear you say that." I lie back onto her chest. The electricity that filled the room moments ago has dissolved. 

"I'm not saying I would want to hang out with the guy, but he was friendly enough." 

"Jungkook is nothing even close to friendly," I say, and Seulgi chuckles and wraps her arm around me. If she only knew the things that happened between Jungkook and me, the way we kissed, the way I moaned his name while he—God, Jimin, just stop. I lean my head up and kiss Seulgi's jaw, making her smile. I want Seulgi to make me feel the way Jungkook does. I sit up and turn to face her. I take her face between my hands and press my lips against hers. Her mouth opens and she kisses me back. Her lips are soft . . . just like her kiss. It's not enough. I need the fire, I need the passion. I wrap my hands around her neck and pull her onto my lap. 

"Whoa, Jimin, what are you doing?" she asks and tries to push me off gently. 

"What? Nothing, I just . . . I want to make out, I guess," I say and look down. I am usually not embarrassed in front of Seulgi, but this isn't something we usually talk about. 

"Okay?" she says, and I kiss her again. I feel warmth from her, but not the fire. I start to rock my hips, hoping to light it somehow. Her hands go down to my waist but she pushes them against me, stopping my movements. I know we agreed to wait until marriage, but we're just kissing here. I grab her hands and pull them away and continue to rock against her. No matter how many times I try to kiss her harder, her mouth stays soft and timid. I can feel her getting turned on, but she won't act on it. 

I know I am doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I don't care at the moment—I just need to know that Seulgi can do to me what Jungkook does. It isn't actually Jungkook that I want, it's the feeling . . . isn't it? 

I stop kissing Seulgi and slide  her my lap. 

"That was nice, Jimin." She smiles and I give her one back. It was "nice." She is so careful, too careful, but I love her. I press play on the movie and within minutes I feel myself drifting off. 

"I should go," Jungkook says. His green eyes looking down at me. "Go where?" I don't want him to go. "I am going to stay at a hotel close by; I'll come back in the morning," he says, and after I stare at him a moment, his face fades into Seulgi's. 

I jolt up and wipe my eyes.Seulgi, it is Seulgi. It was never Jungkook. 

"You're obviously really sleepy, and I can't stay the night here," Seulgi says gently and brushes my cheek. 

I want her to stay, but now I'm afraid of what I will see or say in my sleepy state. Seulgi clearly doesn't think it's decent for her to stay in my room anyway. Jungkook and Seulgi are polar opposites. In every way. 

"Okay, thank you again for coming," I mumble and she kisses me lightly on the cheek before sliding out from under me. 

"I love you," she says. I nod, bury my head back into my pillow, and descend into dreams I don't remember. 

The next morning, I wake up to Seulgi calling on the phone. She tells me she is on his way, so I roll out of bed and rush to the showers, wondering what Seulgi and I should do today. There isn't much to do around here unless we go into town; maybe I should text Jin and ask what there is to do around here besides party at a frat house. He seems to be my only friend who would know. 

Having decided to wear my gray pleated pants and a plain blue shirt, I ignore Jungkook's voice in the back of my head telling me that it's ugly, and dress in the stall.