After (Jikook version)

Chapter 48

Karen smiled appreciatively when I offered to help with the cleanup, and seemed a little surprised I would. I load the dishwasher while she washes the large serving plates. I realize the plates all look really new, and remember how much damage Jungkook caused that night. He can be so cruel. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you and Jungkook been seeing each other?” She blushes at her own question, but I give her a warm smile. 

Figuring it best just to dodge the dating question, I say, “Well, we have only known each other about a month; he is friends with my roommate, Hoseok.” 

“We have only met a few of Jungkook’s friends. You are . . . well, you are different from the ones that I have come across.” 

“Yeah, we’re very different.” 

Lightning flashes and the rain begins to pound against the windows. “Wow, it’s really coming down out there,” she says and pushes the small window in front of the sink closed. 

“Jungkook isn’t as bad as he seems,” she tells me, though really it feels sort of like she’s reminding herself. “He’s just hurt. I would love to believe that he won’t always be this way. I must say I was very surprised that he came tonight, and I can only believe that’s your influence on him.” 

Taking me by surprise, she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Unsure what to say, I hug her back. She pulls away but keeps her well-manicured hands on my shoulders. 

“Really, thank you,” she says, then blots her eyes with a tissue from her apron before returning to the dishes. 

She is too kind for me to tell her that I don’t have any influence on Jungkook. He came tonight only because he wanted to annoy me. After I finish loading the dishwasher, I stare out the window watching the raindrops trickle down the glass. It is remarkable that Jungkook, who hates everyone except himself, and maybe his mother, has all these people who care about him yet refuses to let himself care for them. He is lucky to have them, us. I know I am one of those people. I would do anything for Jungkook; even though I would deny it, I know it to be true. I have no one, except Seulgi and my mother, and both of them together don’t care about me the way Jungkook’s soon-to-be stepmother does him. 

“I’m going to go check on Ken. Make yourself at home, dear,” Karen says to me. I nod and decide to go find Jungkook, or Seokjin, whichever one of them appears first. 

Jin is nowhere to be found downstairs, so I make my way up to Jungkook’s room. If he’s not up here, I figure, I’ll just go sit downstairs alone. I turn the handle, but the door is locked. 

“Jungkok?” I try to speak quietly so no one hears me. I tap my knuckles against the door but hear nothing. Just as I start to turn away, the door clicks and he opens it. 

“Can I come in?” I ask him and he nods once and pulls the door open just enough for me. There is a breeze in the room and I can smell the cool scent of the rain coming through the bay window. He walks over and sits down on the built-in bench surrounding the window and raises his knees up. He stares out the window but doesn’t say a word to me. I sit across from him and wait as the constant drumming of the rain creates a calming rhythm. 

“What happened?” I finally ask. When he looks at me with a confused expression, I explain: “I mean downstairs. You were holding my hand and then . . . why did you pull away?” I am embarrassed by the desperation in my voice. I sound too needy, but the words have already been delivered. 

“Was it the internship—do you not want me to take it for some reason? You offered to help me before?”

“That’s just it, Jimin,” he says, and looks out the window again. “I want to be the one to help you, not him.”