Tales of A Libra

Truth of Being Basic: One

"You seem off." her friend told her.

"Maybe." she responded.

And they both remained quiet. Today was supposed to be just a simple and normal day for the two old friends to hang out together, away from the riddles of school and work, and they were looking for an oasis and a paradise.

This morning she dropped her friend a text telling her that she needed someone to talk to. Well, to be honest, she did not actually want to burden her friend with her episodes but she just noticed that the more she breathed day by day the more her chest constricted, as if her heart needed a battery to charge it up again and again; how she gasped for air yet she was breathing all fine. So now her friend came over to her house and they both settled in her room.

Her friend, knowing that it would be just between them both, wore a simple plain green jacket and black sweatpants. Yet despite that she looked beautiful out of nature even with her bare face being displayed and hair that was obviously let loose just like that without a perfect brushing. On the other side though, she was a contrasted version of her friend. Her short raven strands were curled out of the bed, yet damped with dropping beads of water from the earlier shower. She did not care much of how she looked like because she literally had just wrapped her own body with a plain sleeveless tank top and ripped aged pants. Her shoulders drooped out of energy, and her eyes either gazing upon the floor or just blatantly showing that her mind was entering a phase of imagined scenes. Her friend just remained quiet, because she knew that there were a lot of things bothering her friend.

She rarely asked anyone for help. It was not because she was skilled or talented in that specific area of her department. It was because first, typically she did not want to burden anyone with her lack of knowledge. And second, she was arrogant and greedy. Oh yes, arrogant and greedy. Sounded bad enough?

She was arrogant, and that exactly meant she did not want to be helped unless she asked for it, which she rarely did. Or maybe she was egoistic, that sounded much applicable to her whole being. It was because each time she knew herself lacking, and at the exact same time she saw someone winning, her envious self haunted her, that green monster was so evil to constantly daunt her. So she ended up being victimised to that green monster, and she finally said to herself, "You don't need their help. All you must do is to show to their damn face that you can also win without their help."   Oh, how silly she was.

She was greedy for compliments and recognition. Gladly she was never that greedy and stingy when it came to money though. But all she wanted was for herself to shine, just like everyone's dream. But she took her dream to far. She wanted herself to be known, no, she wanted her poems to be known so well. To actually defeat others when it came to winning for recognition. She was entirely obsessed in the thought of winning and never losing, and she was obsessed with writing that at the end everything just crumpled of her mind. She had already imagined how she would react and behave if she were to receive an award for her writing; she would definitely, out of her effort to remain humble, she would definitely exaggerate in all her words and actions.   And yes, that was how bad she is and to think of that even now she is scared of herself; she is scared that what if one day the monster within her let loose and will take over her whole being, possessing her as a different character that will ruin everything.

She is scared that she knows she can be a bad woman, but she is too weak to even fight the green monster living within her. She is scared to hurt others, but sometimes the green monster controls her and thus, she becomes so envious.

However, that was all about her, and her one friend here knew so well about her too but she came here prepared for all the consequences she would face later on if it meant to help her dearest friend who still struggles to find her life in the world of poetry.

"So tell me what exactly has been bothering you. All you did was posting some ranting and confessions yesterday. People are worried you know that." her friend started. She leaned her back against the wall as she sat on the floor next to her, folding her legs against her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"Sorry, I will delete those posts later." she simply replied. She should have known it better. She should have not posted those typical posts expressing her disappointed emotions. She should have not affected others this way. And she sat on the floor the same way as her friend did.

"No, you don't have to. Just let those posts there." her friend insisted.

"I'll just delete them. Some people will be annoyed by my posts, and I don't want to ruin their day." she objected.

Her friend then shrugged and hummed a tone. "So why are you posting those posts? Something bad happened? What is it?" she asked softly, she wanted her to know that she wholly was sincere when it came to helping her.

"It's stupid." she began, "I mean, I am being too overdramatic. Maybe you cannot understand this because, I mean, I am just being a fool here."

Her friend chuckled, "Now that I am here you better spit those problems out lady." she joked.

Sighing, she finally turned her head to face her one friend and frowned a bit, "I... I lost in a writing competition the previous day. I mean I know it is silly. It is just a damn competition that even if I win I will never get money from there. But, I don't know why it hurts so much. I am literally making a fool of myself for being like this. It is just a simple competition and I am already being this dramatic. Sorry." she then ended up sighing a long one and closed her eyes as she leaned the back of her head against the concrete wall.

Her friend again was muting herself. She did not want to speak a word for the moment. She admitted that her friend here was always keeping things to herself, always trying to behave like that one cool and strong woman. She knew her friend here rarely ranted about stuff but when she did rant, things were serious or perhaps she just needed to ease the space in her small heart. And her friend knew so well how much she values writing and poetry more than anything, so it is easier to conclude as to why losing in a writing competition will damage her whole being regardless of how big or small that competition is.

Her friend smiled then, "Well, there is always a second chance. Try other opportunities out there. Don't lose hope yet." she whispered softly.

She groaned and grunted, "Stop, I have heard those sentences like a lot of times already. I know, but I am tired to hear them again and again. I cannot believe in those words anymore. Yes I know, and I have tried endlessly to improve my damn writing and applied to every other competition but I still lose. Maybe I am cursed, I should accept that." she retorted and clenched her fists as she said all those in one piece.

"Well, there will always be better writers than us." simply her friend stated.

"I know that too. Don't repeat it." she responded, and her fists clutched even tighter that they started to tremble.

"Mhm." her friend breathed.

She then sighed and as she released all the tension within her fists out, "I am sorry, I am too harsh. Well, it is just that, I have nothing left other than writing. You know how much I love writing and how writing is my only ability. And without writing I don't think I have a purpose to live anymore. I know it sounds dramatic again and maybe you do not understand this because you prefer reading but, yeah, losing in that competition is already enough to tell me that I am a bad writer. But that is not it. I am a bad writer who struggles to be even good." she gritted her teeth.

"Go on, tell me more." her friend insisted calmly as she looked up through the window, watching how the sun was blemished by the clouds yet its light was still passing through, "We can have the entire day listening to you. I might not be of a great help but I want to try my chance here. So tell me more."

She sealed her lips and looked through the same window, and she nodded eventually, "Yeah." and she assumed after all she needed to let everything out.