safe with me. / c yelich. ✔️

64.

c h r i s t i a n .

I was speechless. My sweet Nadia was in pain, and we lost our baby. I didn't really know how to react. All I could do was cry and just think of what ifs and go over in my head what I could've done that could've prevented this. I know there wasn't much, if anything, but, I felt like this was my fault. I could've helped her more. But, I didn't.

After crying in my arms for a good hour, Nadia was finally asleep and I just held her close to me, rubbing her back to assure her that everything was going to be okay. I couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling right now... My poor, beautiful wife was hurting, and I couldn't do much if anything.

My phone was blowing up with texts and missed calls from my family and Nadia's family. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but, it felt right to tell her mom and my mom as well. Even though they didn't know about the pregnancy prior to this, I knew they needed to know about this. I didn't break the horrible news to any of our friends, yet. They didn't need to know, even if they were my best friends, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them.

I received a call, seeing it was my moms name on the caller ID, so I had to answer. "Hi, mom..."

"Hi, honey...How is she?"

I sigh, "She's hurt, but she's sleeping now. They're keeping her overnight just to monitor her and then they'll let me take her home in the morning, early afternoon.." I tell her, taking a deep breath.

"And how are you feeling?" She asked me the dreaded question.

"Honestly? I don't know. It's a mix of emotions. Part of me wants to scream and throw shit all around and at the same time, I wanna cry. I left her alone for twenty minutes earlier to text you and her mom to let you both know, and I just cried," I felt the tears well up again, "I wish there was something I could've done, mom..." My voice cracked, "We were so excited..."

"I know, hon, I know... But, there wasn't anything you could've done, C. She didn't expect it nor did you, it just happens like that sometimes." She told me, I nodded as I listened, "You're hurting and that's okay. It's okay to grieve and take your time to process this. You two don't deserve this whatsoever and I feel horrible knowing it happened." She said, I looked at Nadia who was still sound asleep.

"We were talking about doing a little weekend trip before we went to bed tonight and we wake up in the middle of the night to find out our baby is gone.." I say, fighting back tears again, "It's the shittiest feeling ever. Especially when we both were so excited to finally have another one and we were so excited for Wyatt to be a big brother..."

"It's going to take some time to process, babe. You take all the time you need, it's going to hurt, and that's okay. Allow your body to go through the grieving process. Allow your mind and thoughts to grieve. You help out Nadia as well, because she is going to take it really hard... I know how it feels. I had a miscarriage between Collin and Cameron, I was devastated, and it took me a while to accept it.."

This was the first time I was hearing about this from my mom, "You miscarried? What happened?"

"They didn't know. I just woke up in pain and I was a little over three months along already so it was strange that I was miscarrying. But, I remember just feeling so horrible because I had told you and Collin that you were gonna be big brothers, and it never happened.." She told me, and I just sat there, speechless.

"I..I am sorry, mom.." Was all I could get out.

"Like I said, hon, it happens. Sometimes our bodies think they're ready to carry another baby, but then decide against us. There's really nothing we can do about it. I just want you to make sure that Nadia remains positive. We don't need her falling into a depression and locking herself away from everyone. It's going to be okay.." She tells me, "I am always here for you, no matter what time of the night or day, I am always a phone call or text away for you, babe."