Children of Fire (Complete)

thirty-nine

Emerson

"You have a fucking wife?" I snarled. This had to be some kind of sick fucking joke, honestly, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Were you going to disclose that information with me, or was it just so unimportant that you made the decision to keep it from me on your own? I don't recall ever letting you decide what was best for me?" I jabbed a finger into his chest, I hadn't been this pissed in a long time, if ever, honestly. I had spent so much time building up my walls, keeping anyone from getting in, only to let my guard down when it came to Gideon.

"Em, I was going to tell you everything tonight." He said, taking a step closer to me. I didn't even want to be in the same fucking room as him, let alone face to face.

"After the shit I've told you? You still wanted to decide what was best for me? I tell you my deepest fucking issues, and you can't even disclose that you're fucking married? Get the fuck out of my face." I was doing my best not to make a scene-- the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself any further, but my anger was getting the best of me. I couldn't believe him, was he just buttering me up to try and fuck me? Were any of his promises even real? Was any of it real? I thought I had made so much progress since moving here-- I had grown so much as a person and it felt like everything was all for nothing at this point. How had I allowed him to have such a fucking hold over me?

I didn't crumble when I heard the news of Greyson's release. I didn't crumble when my best friend almost died in my arms. I stayed strong throughout the whole time I was here, for the most part-- I deserved some sort of fucking happiness. But, in true Emerson fashion, something was always going to fuck up before I could find some peace. I looked into Gideon's liquid golden eyes and felt my heart twinge with pain-- I could see that he was just as shocked as I was, and for a brief moment, I just knew I would forgive him for whatever reason. And knowing that I would take him back was a feeling that scared the shit out of me-- I loved him.

When did this even happen?

Just a few weeks ago I was sure I hated him, hated the way he would disrespect me so blatantly just to prove a point and seem like he was still in charge. But that was the problem with Gideon, he knew he would never be in charge of me. Did he think that by sleeping with me he would be able to keep me under his thumb? That he would be able to dictate what I did and didn't do and how I did and didn't feel? Fuck that, and fuck him.

But now, I was standing here in the middle of the clubhouse common room, surrounded by brothers of the club, Vultures, and old ladies-- every eye in the room was looking at me, all of them curious about my next move. I turned my gaze back to Gideon and saw the sadness and regret behind his eyes and I realized that I had loved him far longer than I realized. I loved him when he took me to Callahan's gala, and I loved him when he tried to push me away for my own safety-- making another decision for me. And as I stared into those eyes of his, I knew then that I loved him more than I loved myself-- and that was why I needed to get away. I needed to get out of here... and fast.

"Baby, please." Gideon pleaded with me, reaching out to grab my hand. I snatched it away before our skin could meet and I would feel that burning sensation all over again.

"Baby? You're fucking club whores now?" Cassidy scoffed, crossing her arms and peering down her nose at me. She was significantly taller than I was, and she was skinny, almost too skinny. She looked like she had lived a long, rough life, and I was grateful I had never turned to the drugs she so obviously enjoyed at some point in her life. Maybe that had something to do with why she had been gone for so long, but I didn't feel sympathy for her-- I felt jealousy and rage that Gideon had loved someone else, that he had cared about someone so much that he would take vows to make her his other half for the rest of his life. I felt my heart break again at her words, was that all I was to him? Was that what I had become? Just a club whore?