Children of Fire (Complete)

forty-one

Gideon

I had obviously gone to Tilly's tonight to try and get Emerson to accept my apology, but did I really believe she would want to speak with me? Of course not, not after the way she must have been mortified last night. But, I had to try. I wouldn't be able to rest until I had at least tried. I saw her once I got there, and as much as I wanted to grab her and whisk her away so we could be alone, I knew I needed to keep my distance. I knew she didn't want to see me, but I honestly hadn't expected her to flee as soon as our eyes met. What had I done?

I had a few drinks at the bar, and allowed her to have a bit of time to herself. She needed that time to calm down and think through all of the good memories we had together, surely she hadn't forgotten them that quick? I know that deep down inside, no matter how much I had fucked up, she had to forgive me eventually. I know I would have forgiven her, though it would have taken time. But, the roles weren't reversed, and I had hurt her again. Maybe she wouldn't forgive me at all, and I had fucked up for the last time... but I refused to believe it.

I stomped my way down the hall and stopped in front of her office door, knocking softly. When she didn't respond, I knocked again and started jiggling the handle. She jerked the door open and her eyes met mine in a mixture of shock, confusion, and hurt-- it broke my heart to know that I had, once again, caused these feelings.

"Can I please, please talk to you?" I practically begged her, I wasn't above begging at this point. I needed to explain to her why I chose not to confide in her about my relationship with my....wife. I hadn't considered her that in a very long time, and it felt like fire on my tongue to even speak the word that legally binded the two of us together. She was disgusting, and I needed Emerson to understand that I didn't care for Cassidy, not even a little bit.

"No. Now get the fuck out of my office." She said lowly, and damnit if it didn't turn me on to see her angry. I had to hold back a smirk as she turned around and plopped down in her chair angrily. I knew she was pissed at me, but knowing that she had such a fire within her made me proud to have been able to share the time we had together with her.

"I'm not leaving this office until you let me explain what the hell happened, Emerson." I warned, touching her shoulder as gently as my anger would allow. I was angry at her for not giving me the chance to explain myself. I at least deserved that much, I had done everything I could to show her how much I cared about her, how I was falling in love with her. Surely she had noticed, but she wouldn't even give me the chance to tell her what was going on, and that hurt me more than I cared to admit.

"No, Gideon, you've had months to explain. You've had months to tell me that you had a wife, yet you chose to keep that to yourself. You only want to explain now that you've been caught in a lie and you've lost your chance to fuck me again. I don't want to hear it, so please, just leave. If you don't, I will, and I won't come back. So if you care about me, even just a tiny fucking bit, you'll get your pathetic, lying ass out of my sight before I walk out of your life for good." Emerson told me, her eyes looked deadly and I was afraid of her for the first time. Not afraid that she would physically harm me, but afraid that she had already broken my heart. I was afraid that she had the power to break my heart over and over again, until I was nothing more than a dead man.

She was right, and it hurt to know that she was right. I chose to keep Cassidy to myself because I was afraid Emerson would have run far away from me. And now that I thought about it, I knew that Emerson would have been understanding about mine and Cassidy's past if I would have only told her the truth-- the whole truth, without omitting anything. She was right about all of it, except for one thing.

"It was never just about fucking, Emerson. I think I was falling in love with you. And I am truly sorry for not telling you, I'll never forgive myself. I'll see you around, baby." I told her, and I meant every fucking word. I was truly, deeply sorry for not telling her and I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself if I could never regain her forgiveness. But, I was also honest about seeing her around. I wouldn't give up, and I would do anything I could to ger her to forgive me, if it meant buying every fucking plant in this town and delivering it to her front door (or Kya's front door-- it seemed to be the safest place for her). I closed the door behind me and left, needing to distance myself from her before I fell on my knees and was brought to tears by the thought of losing her. I wasn't far from it at this point.