Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter 2

*EDITED*

***

I was walking down the sidewalk, pulling the jacket closer to my body. I was just trying to keep my warmth, it was autumn. And it wasn't that hot outside anymore, so I couldn't go home on a better day. Or should I say night maybe? I scoffed at my own thought, I couldn't believe myself for going there. No one can force you to do anything, not if you don't want to.

I could feel something hit my face and run down my forehead, then down my nose to then drip down on the cement ground. And I knew by now, that I was going to walk home in the rain.

I felt like crying because this day couldn't get any better. If I even talked loud now, I bet someone would understand the sarcasm behind my voice. I tried to pull the sleeves more down, but it suddenly hangs itself onto my skin. Making me groan in pain. I wasn't that happy for being the person I was, always silent, never saying anything, but today I kind of turned the tables and shot back at anyone that wasn't nice to me. I kind of felt good about it, but at the same time, I was too afraid that I might have hurt someone's feelings.

I sighed and tried to make the sleeves of the jacket more comfortable as I walked alone under the lampposts. I don't know if I would feel any better soon, perhaps the scars on my skin would forever be opened? Or perhaps someone could help me let them stay hidden? I just wish I could find the option two. Cause I was tired of living this life. It was so lonely, my brother died when I was younger. It was not that too long ago, so it still bothered me. My parents never seemed to care about me, but perhaps they were just too busy working than taking care of their own daughter. Maybe that's also why they gave me my cat Hugo.

I felt stupid for some kind of reason. I knew I wasn't the only one in the world, struggling with myself. I know there were people out there, probably struggling more than I do. But in the end, the things that have pained you too much, grow into a tree. And someday that tree has to fall over, and I know I eventually have to fall over as well. And I know that time is soon coming. I'm always uneasy, always sad for some particular reason. I hardly smile, and I try my best to not communicate with anybody. But that went to hell and more down today.

I felt like a piece in a game. It was like some people sat playing me, controlled me and everybody around me, how I was going to live, how I was going to act, how to be and who to love. And sadly I was just an easy piece in a game.

I looked down at my shoes as I walked. I wondered how my parents would feel about me being gone? Would they cry maybe? Would they try to find me? Would they ask people to help them find me? Sometimes I just wish they would care, just a little. It didn't matter the cost of it.

I opened my handbag and grabbed my phone and looked at my screen, but I didn't have any calls or messages. I sighed, trying to think this was normal. I know it wasn't though, most parents would know you were gone after a couple of hours. I sighed and laid my phone back in my bag.

They changed even more after my brother died. He was always there for me. Every day I go to the graveyard to sit and look at my brother's stone, I think I only sit there for an hour or so, but it feels like forever. I wanted us to be a happy family, I wanted my brother to be there when I went through breakups, and when I got married, I wanted his shoulder to cry on when everything in my life would turn down. And I wanted him to be there when I was happy. But the only thing I could do, for now, was to talk to him through a stone.

I shook my head at the thought and tilted my head back when I felt more raindrops come down. I started to run down the sidewalk and buried my face into the jacket. The rain was so cold in this autumn weather, but I loved the rain. It made me feel less depressed, and more natural. I was so tired of sitting alone in my bed all day and waking up the next morning to be thrown new insults in the hallways every day.