Musical One-Shots

Apology/Update/Whatever this is.

Wow.

It feels like forever since I've been on this account, ready to write something.

But here I am.

First, I offer my most heartfelt apologies to all the readers out here, still invested in this account. Guys, wow. I'm still so happy at how much we've grown, and thank you all for the couple of people on this site, that you know, read my shit :)

I'll try to do better.

(Not sure if you know this, but I struggle with commitment. I know, I know, cliche and a terrible excuse. Even if this doesn't help, I promise and solemnly swear to do better.)

Anyway.

I've auditioned for Select Chorus in my school, and I'm terrified I didn't get in. I kept staccato-ing my scales because they were too high, and I'm not sure if my teacher noticed it was because I couldn't open my vocal chords or something, I don't know.

I'm jealous of my two friends who have voice teachers. Now, I know jealousy is an EXTREMELY bad thing to feel, but I don't know, I'm not perfect, so I guess I'll try to settle for being me. I'm happy for them, I really am, because they are amazing singers, it just frustrates me that I can't reach that level of perfection.

I;m also having conflicts in my schedule if I sign up for Select (or if I even make it in), and if I do, I have to explain to my Odyssey teacher that I have to be there until four on Thursdays most weeks. It crushes me inside because I'm forced to choose. It really hurts, so...yeah, again, don't know how I'm going to break the news.

Another thing: I don't know if it's just me, but I'm feeling totally and absolutely depressed and insecure right now. I feel like my emotions have kind of been bottled up, and I may have no right to feel this way, but I guess it hurts a little that none of my friends noticed. Not their fault, obviously, but I'm just so confused on why I'm feeling this way and, well, I can't tell them because that's burdening them, or they'll just kind of brush it off because my friends don't really talk about their emotions and deep stuff like that.

As well, I feel like I'm the middle man for problems. Not that I mind, I sincerely enjoy helping people, but I feel like I'm holding people's problems and I'm afraid I'm going to drop it on them and crush them. 

Then it'll be my fault...

because I'll blow up and they'll take the consequences.

Lastly, one of my friends, Sophie (not her real name), I feel like she's checked out of our friendship. She's found new people and I've just been replaced. I guess I've always felt that way around her, maybe I was always just an outlet to her, but I don't know, it still...we've known eachother for three years. Is it just okay for someone to check out like that?

I guess so.

Anyway, I want to thank you for being here, even if you're just a passerby and might forget this account forever. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for sitting with me and listen me ramble about nonsense.

Thank for being one of my best communities where I can be happy.

Well, just...thanks. 

And again, to reiterate, I'm going to start writing again, as it is now my winter break. I'll have a full week to write for you guys, so yeah. 

This concludes my rant.