Chamber by Chamber // Snowbaz

He Wouldn't Understand

COC #17: Witch/Psychic

Divination gets interesting for Simon when he sees what he most desires in the world.

~ I tried to make Simon very oblivious for this one. To whomever may read this; enjoy! ~

"Now look into your glass balls, and they will show you what you truly desire, above all else in the world." My Divination professor drones, walking softly around the lowly lit room. It's full of old bohemian rugs, ancient chandeliers (that don't even provide much bloody light), and antique wooden things all around. It's sixth year, and frankly, I think that learning Divination is a load of bollocks. There's a spell for practically everything you can do in Divination, but faster and more efficiently. (For most, anyway. Not for me- but I'm the one rare and broken exception, as always.)

When I turn my head over to catch a quick glance at Baz across the room, he's looks into his ball (almost fucking tearfully, it seems) for only a few seconds before looking away and rolling his eyes. "What'd ya see, Baz?" Niall asks him. Baz turns and gives him a quelling glare, so he shuts up again.

When he meets my eyes, he looks... hurt. Not hard and cool as he so often usually does, but more open. (Perhaps I'm just being right dead from the neck up and seeing things.) So I turn to my ball and focus hard, willing an image - any image - to pop up in the glass. I try for a few more moments without seeing anything before turning to Penny who sits right beside me.

"Pen, I don't know how to do this- what'd you see?"

"Well that's hardly any of your-"

"I'm shit at this!"

"-business, and I suspect you're getting it wrong because you don't want to see it. You don't like Divination, so you're not trying," She pauses a moment before lowering her voice so that only I can hear her. "Are you scared of what you might see?" I know what she means. She thinks I'll see made up parents or myself being able to use magick right. But really, those aren't what I want most in the world. (I don't think they are, anyway.) I s'pose I don't bloody know what I really want most (that's the whole point, isn't it?), but I imagine it'll be something to do with Agatha. (I don't actually think it'll be that, either, but I'll tell her it's what I saw either way.)

I shake my head. "No, I would just rather shove a fork up my arse than stare into some mystical ball for an hour," I say too loudly. The professor clumps up behind me and smacks her hand on the desk between Penny and I.

"Mr. Snow and Ms. Bunce. Care to share something with the class? Something about a fork, perhaps?" She has nearly as much venom in her voice as Baz does whenever he talks to me. (Which hasn't been much lately; it's been driving me up the wall. I think he's plotting something.) Penny flushes red as we both shake our head, but the professor isn't having it. "Penelope, what is it that you saw?" I turn my head to see that Baz is, of course, laughing at us. (Sometimes I think he might admire Penny, but then he goes and acts like a knob to her, and I think maybe not.)

"I, um," She clears her throat and straightens in her seat. "I saw myself getting married to Micah, my boyfriend." The professor gives one approving (if not somewhat of a slag) nod and moves on, drifting her eyes to look at me. (Sometimes I wonder what my professors think when they look at me. Just a boy? A broken vessel? The mage's pet? The Chosen One?)

"And you, Mr. Snow?" I try to think of something in my mind, but I know Penny will probably correct me if I lie. (She's been on me about that, lately. Saying I've not been honest with Aggie or myself.)

"Well, I er- um you see, I couldn't really- I don't know how to... the ball's broken..." She gives a disapproving scoff and inspect my ball closer, seeming to find what she was looking for as she pulls back.

"Simon, your ball is not... broken, as you suggested. You need to open yourself up," More with the hippy dippy crap. "Let yourself see what you truly desire." I roll my eyes and mumble my agreeances, but she doesn't walk away or take her eyes off of me. (In fact, nobody is taking their eyes off of me, which I should be used to by now, but I'm not.) I can feel the magick start rising to my skin, but I ignore it, trying to stay calm. When I look over to where Baz is sitting (again), I see that he's the only one looking away from me now. (He seems to be looking anywhere but me at the moment.)

"Oh for Crowley's sake, I guess I'll give it a go..." I close my eyes to ignore the rest of the class' that are on me and I try 'opening myself' as the professor said. I don't really know what that means, but apparently I'm doing it, because when I next open my eyes, there's an image playing in the ball. (Thankfully no one else can see what goes on in your own ball- that's for your eyes only.)

I'm surprised when I see Baz. (Okay, I think. Maybe what I want most is to kill him.) Then I see Baz... smiling? He can smile? (Merlin, can he smile.) And then I see myself. I watch as Baz pushes me up against a wall and smiles close to my face. I smile back. (I look so genuinely happy. Have I ever been that happy before?)

I'm running my hands through his hair. Okay. Checks out. I'm just running my hands through my enemy's hair in my wildest fantasy. And now he's closer, closer, closer... and now we're snogging?? I jump back in my seat and send my arm flying, knocking over my (and Penny's) ball onto the floor. Penny and the professor jump back and then come help me to stand on my feet.

"Mr. Snow!" The professor yells when I'm steady. (Steady might be the wrong word. I'm feeling fairly light-headed at the moment. Snogging. Snogging Baz. Right.) (Is this what a mental breakdown feels like?) "Do you need a moment out in the hall?" I can tell she thinks I'm going to say no. But when I look over despite my better bloody judgement, I see Baz is giving me his full attention now. His eyes. His lips. His hair. Him him him-

"Yes, I think I do, professor," I yelp. As I'm going to leave, Penny grabs my arm.

"Simon??" She whispers. (She sounds hurried and furious, but I know she's mostly just worried. "What in magick did you see?!" I shake my head as I gently get my arm back from her grasp and start out the room.

I walk and walk and walk until I'm out in the middle of the pitch where I can finally breathe and wrap my head around what just happened. I thought I would want to kill him. Do I really want to (more than anything?) snog him? Yes, I s'pose that's bloody well obvious now. Although Divination may be a load of bollocks, it's usually accurate bollocks.

I can't just tell him that I have feelings for him, can I? (Really, I'm asking- can I?) I can't just tell him that what I want above all else - as hard as it is to admit - is him? Him and his early morning voice, his bed head, him rubbing lazy circles on my hand, and him snogging me until I can't think straight? I want him and his everything, but I can't tell him that, because he'd never bloody understand. He won't understand what it's like to be so hopelessly gone for the person you're destined to kill.

What are you to do when you're desperately in love with your (arch) enemy when you have a girlfriend and he hates you more than you think he hates himself. (Which seems a lot at times.)

Well. I s'pose you burn.