My travel log 5

Happy Yule with Josh

Today is Yule/Winter Solstice and I was able to see Josh. He came here little after 12 and we were inside for a little while. He met Shadow. I'm surprise that Shadow didn't hide from him. He was still timid and he ran away from us but he didn't go into hiding. He just stared at us. He gave me his present. It was a scarf and hat and I loves them. I wear them today. I gave him the things I made for him. The sea shell I painted, the Christmas card I made, and a picture of Lady and the Tramp I colored. I had also made a music video of me singing "All I want for Christmas" yesterday and I show it to him. I asked him if we could resume our relationship and he asked if it's alright if he can give me his answer after Christmas. I told him yeah and asked if it's good. He told me that it is. Let's hope that it is because I have had bad experiences with guys and mind games. I know Josh could never be like that but when I was with Said after the first time we broke up I tried to get him back and it became all about his decision. After we had "Gotten back together" it was never the same. He wanted to keep our relationship a secret and when it seemed like things were going good by the end of the school year he tried to break up with me again. I talked him out of that and we stayed together and it was great that whole summer and fall and we had a great Yule date that year too. He actually called me his girlfriend again. But then in January he tried to break up with me again and kept trying until the end of February. But even after that he made me feel like that maybe he wanted to be the one to chase after me and that he will asked me to Prom which by the way he never did. Edgar did. Then with Edgar this time last year I was struggling with wanting to break up with him and I choose to do it after his birthday and the holidays so I don't ruin the season for him. 

After what I been through recently with Josh I know these things wouldn't happen with us. I mean his mom is now okay with him coming out here to see me which Said's mom wasn't and we won't in a long distance relationship like I was with Josh. I know Josh isn't the type of guy to play those mind games with me. Making me think I have a chance to be with him again but then tried to get out of the relationship with me. But at the same time I am still a little worried about that. I told him that after what I went through with Said, I don't want him to feel like I am pressuring him or making him feel like he has to stay with me because I know if I do that then I could lose him forever and he is one of my best friends. I couldn't bare losing him out of my life forever. That's how much he means to me. He is worth the wait. 

At 1:00 we left to Blackstone and park at the theater. We went to see Cats and it was amazing. Then we walked to UNO's and had pizza. Then we stop at Game Stop and I bought Josh a Will game of his chosen. Then we went to Cold Stone and I treated us to Ice Cream. It was fun and I wish it didn't have to end but all good things must come to an end and I wanted to make sure he goes home without me worrying if his mom would message me asking where he is. We went back to his car and he drove me home. We talked about when he can come here in January. We are thinking about January 11 since his first day of classes is January 14 like last year. I feel bad that he start classes a week before my classes at QCC.