My travel log 5

I miss Salem

I miss Salem and it sucks that I am stuck here in Worcester and because of the virus can't visit. I have always loved Salem growing up. My parents brought me to Salem all the time. I even had my birthday one year in Salem and I went to Salem for Halloween. That was the first year I didn't go trick or treating. For a while my dream school was actually Clark University because it's right there. I could walk there and therefore wouldn't have to live in a dorm. I would still live at home. But then I learn that for a Bachelors degree they only have Education as a minor and not a major so I decided not to. It was because of Said that made me to look into other colleges. I found out about Salem State and that became my dream school because I always wanted to live in Salem since I could remembered. It has a good Education program for what I was interested in. At the time I wanted to be a Special Ed teacher. I applied as well as applying to Worcester State and QCC just in case I don't get in. I got in and I was so excited. 

I was there for 4 years. I loved my classes and the clubs I was in. I gotten a roommate after my first year that we were best friends and still are. I met another girl in one of my classes who all three of us became best friends. I love the crazy October season and going out for both my birthdays and Halloween and their birthdays. Salem felt like my home and I would do anything to go back. I finally dated a great guy there for my last semester. Even though we are not together anymore (shouldn't have continued into the long distance relationship) and now he haven't been talking to me, I still miss him. I miss everyone in Salem. 

Rachel, Ashley, Josh and everyone else. I haven't been able to get a job yet and there is a part of me that do want to learn how to drive. I tried to study the manural so I could take the test again for my permit because I wanted to do that for Josh. I figured if I could drive out there to see him then we could be together and his mom wouldn't have to worry about him coming out here to see me. I even promised him that I would. But as always I lost interest. Maybe if I just gotten my permit and then learn how to drive then I wouldn't be in this situation I am with him. I wanted to because at the time I thought he will never come out to see me because of his mom and I did understand why she was upset over last time. He shouldn't have been out here so late because of the distance. I was able to go back to Boston and to Salem during October. I went to Josh's Autism Speaks walk in Boston and that was hard but I soon felt comfortable joking around him again. And I went back to Salem for my birthday and Halloween. Get to see my best friends and yes I included Josh in that. He started coming out here again November, December, and January but then February he didn't. I know something was going on but he never said he couldn't see me as planned then he bailed at me and I gotten upset and messaged him like crazy. I wish I done things differently now. Because of that we haven't been talking and he said he will in a few months but I don't know when that will be. Ashley told me that he took a break from Social media a couple of times. Last Sunday was the last time he decided to take a break because of what has been going on. 

With my situation with Josh is like how it was with Emma. When we were still friends and I was at Salem State I couldn't be there for her as much anymore when she needed me. I was only a call away and she always called me but I found out she haven't been telling me everything that been going on that have happen because of the distance. I would never understand how could Josh try so hard to work with me on when he will be able to come out in January but then never tried on February until he actually talk to me. I just wish he could have told me everything what been going on. That's what makes the distance hard. I just want to be able to be there when my friends need me and at the time even though we won't together I still consider him as one of my best friends because his relationship/friendship was one of the meaning for relationships I ever had and I miss that. I hope he will talk to me again soon and I hope he is doing okay with what been going on with the virus and all these riots. I care about him so much as I care about Rachel and Ashley. 

I did apply for Salem State graduate school to get a certificate in Autism Spectrum Disorder last October but I didn't it so I'm going back to Salem State next school year and that makes me sad. I told Rachel and Ashley and everyone on Facebook but because Josh haven't been talking to me I couldn't tell him. I hope I get the chance. Although now I am with someone else, one of his friends told him about it and that was something else I wanted to be the one to tell him. I feel that if he was completely honest with what was going on I would have understood and would tell him that he doesn't have to come here at all this month. 

I was hoping that he will come out here during Spring break and bring Rachel and Ashley with him because I missed them and I wanted them to see Worcester. Although even if he was still talking to me he still couldn't be able to because of the virus that started to be a big deal in this country at that time. I been having "Movie nights" with Rachel and Ashley every week. We would pick a movie, watch it, and text during it what is going on during the movie and other things we want to talk about but it's not the same thing as being at the same place together.

I been feeling lonely since this whole thing started and we have to stay home. I been feeling a little better since phase 1 started and I was able to see Arturo and I am going to see him again today. Phase 2 begins Monday so I'll write about that day. I do plan on applying again to Salem State for a graduate certificate in Public History. I'm not going to give up on that because I really want to come back. But this time I will apply to a couple of other graduate schools in case. I hope I will come back to Salem soon and see my friends again. I miss everyone. I hope Josh will talk to me soon (I'm not waiting for him anymore) so we can talk about what we need to talk and be friends again. I don't think we could be best friends again anytime soon but of all of. 

I miss Salem and the towns near by.