My travel log 5

3/10/20

I went to Kiva and during group I talked about how I have reunited with Arture and how he makes me feel. I told them that after everything I been through I'm not emotionally ready to be in another relationship. He has been understanding and is willing to wait. Everyone was happy for me and Wonda told me about a relatable experiences she went through at my age and that it is smart I don't want to label our relationship right now. For her it took her a whole year after her last relationship before she was able to date someone. I don't think it will take that long for me. I feel I'll feel better about us being more then friends after when I am friends with Josh again and after when we talk. I love going to Kiva. I left and took my bus to go to school. I went to the business office to drop off a paper to lift my hold on my account. Then I went to my Child growth and development class. Professor Julie was there and I told her that I took care of the hold and she was talking to my class about registration. I told her I emailed my adviser for an appointment to talk about it. When she left my professor for the class I am in, Professor Faith started her powerpoint. She also talk about how we shouldn't be surprised if after Spring break we hear that we will have classes online because of the Corona Virus. I hope that won't happen. I actually like going to class. I don't want to stay at home all the time. After class I waited outside for Arture. He got there and after I went into his car and he gave me a hug. He brought me back to his house and we talked a little. Then watched a couple of movies on his fire stick. Fantasy Island and Good boys. It felt nice and I was in his arms. There were moments I wanted to kiss him but I stop myself. I do want to and I do really like him but I'm just afraid that I won't be good enough for him or that I am still messed up. After we were done with the movies he brought me home and walked me to the door. I'm afraid that if we would start kissing then I'll fall for him just as quick as I falling for Josh and I don't know if I can handle that. I feel that he had already falling in love with me but I appreciate how much patient he is being. I am also been worrying about Salem State. If I would get accepted into graduate school then I don't want to go through another long distance relationship. If I don't get accepted then well I guess I would feel like I could be with him. I want to be able to trust what he says and how he feel but I have been betrayed too many times by boys. I just want to see how things go between us before I let myself to fall for him. All I know is when I am with him I can't stop smiling because of the way he looks at me and after when he brings me home I can't stop thinking about him. Also Josh unblocked me on Snap chat so that makes me feel better too. I just want to be more cautious with how I feel. I don't know if Arturo is my soul mate and I am meant to be with him. I used to think Josh was my soul mate but it turns out he wasn't. All I know is that Arturo wants maximum of five kids. I want a minimum of two. It's weird that he had already told me that and it does scare me a little because whenever I talk about what I want in the future the guy would usually freak out.