My travel log 5

2/28/20

Today I went to my classes. I gotten 97 on my professional interview paper so I guess it was okay that I interviewed Laura from Safe Homes. Then was Intro to Early Childhood Education. After that I went to the disability awareness and advocacy club. We were talking about the event we want to put on with the wheel chair guy. After that I took the bus to the hub and then another bus to Kiva instead of walking. I didn't feel like doing anything in art work. I just went to the art group and sat with Ginny. She was painting something for someone. Then was drum circle and I talked to Mike about my recommendation. He worked on it during Karaoke and I sang 7 things by Miley Cyrus. Guess who's that about? Someone sang A thousand years and that made me sad, guess why. After Kareoke, Mike was still typing my recommendation. Ginny and her friend Mark gave me a ride home. I explained what had happened between me and Josh. They agreed he lead me on. Things were great between us when we were together and even after when we broke up then Valentine's Day happen and he blocked me on everything. He said he will talk to me when he's ready but it will be for months. He still miss me though and still want us to be friends. The thing is I shouldn't have been so easy for something like that to happen after what I went through with mind games but boys. 5 years ago today I had Said meet up with me at Elm park so I can finally let him go. I gave him my valentine's day gifts I had bought him plus I wanted to give him back his quarn. Then he was telling me how he wanted to be the one to chase after me and just like that, that gave me hope again and believed he would ask me to prom which by the way never happen. Josh knew all of this and he knew how excited I was about our plans.. He should have told me that he couldn't come the night before instead of letting me get so excited and then making me feel like it's my fault. I hate Valentine's Day and I can't wait until February is over. Anyways, I'm home now. When he does decide to talk to me again and unblocked me I'll hopefully tell him how he made me feel. If he would talk to me now then it would be easier but I don't know if I'll still remember everything I want to tell him whenever he does decide to talk to me. I thought he was different. I had no idea that any of this would happen. Our relationship started so quickly and it was very intense but then it ended just as quick. I was confused then but not anymore. Now I am angry at him and I feel like I can't trust him anymore. Not like how I was able to. This was exactly how I was afraid of. 

The recommendation Mike had to write for me is for graduate school at Salem State. If I get accepted again I know I will see Josh again. So obviously there will always be a chance for something to change. More of a chance then any of my other ex's that's for sure but I don't know when that will be possible. He would have to tell me when it's the right time and I don't know if he does if I will be able to just take him back. To give him another chance. I don't know. I will keep an open mind just because I do believe anything can change. I'm just not going to hold out hope anymore because I am sick of being wrong. 

I also just unsubscribe to his channel. I will subscribe again whenever he decides to talk to me and unblocked me. I'm just really angry at both him for doing this to me and make me to think there is a chance and for me for letting myself blindly fall for it.