Always

twenty-three

** TRIGGER WARNING: I know I put one at the beginning of the book but I'm warning all of you again. If topics such as self harm or suicide trigger any of you please stop reading this book immediately and talk to someone [you're always free to pm me :)]

L U N A

Everything's just falling apart.

Everything was falling apart when Josh wrapped his arms around my waist and I was too distracted to notice the close proximity of our bodies. It was falling apart when I saw my best friend walk away in the opposite direction, a furious expression on his face. It was falling apart when Leo excused himself from the group and ran after him— a complete stranger who he had never spoken to before. It was falling apart when I pulled away from Josh's grip and walked closer to the pair, only to see Kyler's annoyed expression even more clearly before he trudged away and out of view. And it was falling apart when Leo turned around and gave me a look, his expression a mixture between glumness and displeasure.

I shook myself out of the stupid trance I was in as Leo walked over to me and grabbed my arm, quickly pulling me as far away from the group as possible.

"Seriously?" He whispered, giving me an angered look.

"What?" I frowned. "Is Ky okay-"

"Come on, Luna! Of course he isn't okay! Why would you do something like that-

"I didn't do anything! Josh was the one who made that stupid move-"

"And you let him!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. I closed my eyes tightly before sighing softly.

My heart pounded furiously in my chest at the thought of Kyler getting hurt because of me. I was supposed to help him. I was supposed to fix him, not pain him.

I was supposed to help him. And I was failing to do so.

I took a second to compose myself before opening my eyes, meeting Leo's bright blue ones.

"Is he hurt?" My voice came out weaker than I wanted it to and Leo must have noticed because his face softened and I despised the look he had on his face—the look which made me feel horrible inside. The look that made me feel like I did something horribly wrong, like robbed a liquor store or swallowed pills, and I hated that feeling.

He nodded his head and my heart fell. "Yeah, I think he is. After what happened last night between the both of you, his reaction to seeing you with another guy was expected-"

"He was drunk, Leo." I said softly, closing my eyes again. I was tired. There are no better words to explain how I feel than to simply say that I was tired; I was beyond tired. And I just wanted everything to be okay again.

"I know that but I think he remembers what happened." I looked down at the pavement and kicked a small rock, sighing. I tugged at the sleeves of my sweater and looked around, taking a few seconds to compose myself.

And in that moment, I felt just as small as that stupid freaking rock.

"I didn't want this to happen." I whispered. "Gosh, I don't know what to do!"

And it was true because I don't know what was going through my mind when I let Josh pull me in for that embrace and I don't know what stopped me from running after Kyler.