Always

thirty-seven

L U N A
"My skin is made of glass, but apparently it's stained.
Cause you notice all the cracks but can't look inside my pain."

I inhaled shakily as I pushed the bathroom door open and stepped out into the empty hallways. Loud chatter could be heard from the cafeteria and tugging my sleeves into my hands, I slowly made my way there for lunch. My head still felt light and walking across the halls took much more effort than it should have.

As I used my hand to push the doors open, a stinging pain shot up my arms but I ignored it as best as I could and immediately looked around.

Seeing them all sit together, with huge smiles on their faces as the conversed cheerily would have easily put me in a good mood under normal circumstances but even as I stared at Kyler and how he laughed along with Leo and Amity, I just couldn't even bring myself to crack a smile.

Sighing, I pushed my hair away from my face and walked over to the table where all three of them were seated. Leo and Amity both gave me identical smiles before returning to their conversations but as I slid into the seat next to Kyler's, he turned in his seat, his face holding a worried expression.

"What took you so long?" Kyler asked, lowering his voice still slightly.

I shrugged in response, giving him a soft yet forced smile. "Just girl things."

He narrowed his eyes slightly and by the suspicious look on his face, I could tell he didn't believe me one bit but I was so glad when he turned back around to face the other two, thankfully dropping the subject.

I felt so horribly guilty for lying to him but I really didn't want him to worry about me right now. Especially not when he was so happy and carefree. I couldn't do that to him.

I leaned back in my chair and tried to focus on the conversation they were having but it was so hard to do that while my mind was a hazy mess and my thoughts kept drifting back to what had happened a few minutes ago in the bathroom-- more specifically, what I had done.

I looked away from the table as an overwhelming feeling washed over me and tears welled in my eyes.

I have to tell them.

I knew I had to talk about it at some point. I knew I had to talk about this with someone before it was too late. If I kept hurting myself this way, things would never get better and even though I realized that, I still could not stop.

But it made me feel so selfish for even thinking of asking for help.

I wasn't supposed to be weak or sensitive or broken. I was supposed to be the happy, carefree new girl who helps others selflessly. But here I was, thinking of talking it out with my three best friends.

I have to.

Making up my mind to finally tell them, I turned back to the table and opened my mouth but before I could say anything, I saw a tall figure approaching our table and my heart dropped.

"Hey, Luna I was wondering if you needed a ride after school or.." Tanner drawled and I shook my head, instantly replacing my grim expression with a smile.

"Uh no. Kyler and I are hanging out after school." He nodded, giving me soft smile before looking at the others. And by others I mean Amity.

His face dropped and a blank expression took over his smile. Amity didn't even look up from the table, her jaw clenched as she breathed deeply. Tanner nervously licked his lips and sighed, clearly getting the hint that Amity didn't want to talk to him which only made me frown.