Always

twenty

K Y L E R

I knew something was wrong the second she picked up the phone. Maybe it was because of the distant feeling in her voice or maybe rasp in her vocals when she spoke. Either way  I knew she wasn't okay.

And I couldn't allow myself to simply sit here and not do anything to help her.

"Are you okay?" I asked dumbly. I got up from my bed and walked over the window once more.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was at a café but I'm on my way home now." Her raspy voice instantly turned into a soft whisper and under normal circumstances I would've instantly felt calm but in this moment, I was too worried about Luna.

I looked out the window and noticed the thick flakes falling from the dark cloudy sky like wounded angels. My breath fogged the glass as I leaned closer to the window, my left hand pressed against the freezing glass.

"Do you want me to come get you?" I didn't realise my forehead had creased until I saw my reflection in the window. I moved back and quickly walked over to my bedside table, pulling open the drawer and grabbing my car keys.

"No." I froze in my step and felt my heart drop. "No, it's okay. I'll be there in five minutes."

There was no way I was going to let her walk in the freezing cold weather but by the tone of her voice, I knew she didn't want me to be there. That thought was enough to momentarily crush me.

Luna was my best friend, even though we've never spoken about our relationship. I cared about her, a lot. And just the mere thought of her getting hurt pained me more than it should have.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, realising that I had been silent for too long.

She was still on the call and I could hear the soft sound of her breaths and slight shuffling. I decided not to question that and put my keys down slowly—almost hesitantly— on my table.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I said, silently wishing she didn't hear the desperate undertones of the question.

I waited for a few seconds. But then the thought struck me: what exactly was I waiting for her to say?

Did I want her to tell me she wasn't fine? Did I want her to tell me that she needs help?

Because I don't think I would know what to do if she told me she wasn't okay.

Luna was the strongest person I knew. She could comfort others simply by being around them. She was there for everyone and had the ability to help each one of them without ever complaining.

And I was me. I'm not strong or comforting like Luna. I'm the opposite of those two terms; weak and disquieting.

I don't fix things. I make them worse.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Her voice was soft and breathy and I felt myself close my eyes for a few seconds.

And then she ended the call.

I kept the phone against my ear, listening to the silence for a few seconds before putting the it away. I sighed, running a hand through my hair and sitting down on my bed, my body rigid as hundreds of horrible thoughts clouded my mind.