Always

twenty-eight

K Y L E R

I groaned, pushing the guitar away from me and laying back down on the bed with my arms covering my eyes.

It had been slightly over twenty-four hours since I took Luna out and even though I felt incredibly frustrated by not being able to play properly, I couldn't help the giddy feeling from spreading in my chest the entire day.

I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends as the irritation overpowered the happiness in that moment. The room started to become suffocating as my thoughts drifted to how I had failed at one of the simplest things for me; music.

In these past few days, touching the guitar was near to impossible as every time I picked up the large instrument and strummed those familiar strings, it felt as if a weight landed on my chest. Music turned from being a hobby to a chore and I hated that.

I inhaled shakily, covering my face with my hands as my chest began closing up. Hundreds of thoughts flooded my head and I instantly felt the panic rise in my chest. I pushed myself up in a sitting position and brought my knees up to my chest, tugging at my hair as I tried to figure out what triggered me all of a sudden.

My mind felt hazy and no sensible thought ever came to mess I just sat there on my bed, with my chest closing up and head spinning.

Then something clicked and I immediately grabbed my phone, fumbling around until I managed to open my contacts. My finger hovered over her name and I hesitated as tears pricked my eyes, my vision getting blurry.

What if she's asleep? What if she's busy and doesn't pick up? What if I scare her away-

"Hello?" I didn't realise I had pressed the call button or that she had picked it up until I heard her softly whisper into the phone.

I didn't say anything—I couldn't. A lump was lodged into my throat and I looked up at my ceiling to avoid the tears from falling down my cheeks.

"Luna." I whispered but it came out more choked than I expected it to. She didn't say anything immediately but I heard some shuffling on the other side.

"Kyler?" She whispered, worry lacing her voice. "Are you okay?"

And all of a sudden I didn't want her to know what was wrong. Hell, I myself didn't know what was wrong with me. And the last thing I wanted was for Luna to see me in this state—to see how big of a screw up I actually was.

"Ky, open your window right now." She whispered softly but there was a slight firmness in her tone. And as much as I didn't want her to see me, I couldn't stop myself from getting up from the bed and walking over to the window.

My legs felt slightly weak, although my breathing had gone back to normal but I still faced some difficulty in managing it. The panic attack didn't last long but the impacts were lasting and I wiped away the stray tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand before shaking my head and pulling myself together for a quick second.

I pulled the curtains aside and without looking up unlocked the window before pushing it open. I didn't look up as I moved back because I knew Luna was standing there and I didn't want to meet her gaze and see the expression on her face.