Always

twenty-five

**This the last time I'll be giving a trigger warning in this book so please if topics about mental harm, self harm and suicide trigger you click out of this book. Your health is more important than anything so please talk it out with a friend (I'm always here) or family member and it'll make you feel so much better.

L U N A

You're pathetic.
Even your father didn't want you.
Everyone just wants you to leave. Why don't you get that?

I kicked a small pebble and watched carefully as it skipped off the sidewalk and onto the edge of the road. I sighed in annoyance, scratching the bandages on my wrists a little too roughly. Biting the inside of my cheek, I looked around and stopped in my tracks as I noticed the shift in the colours of the sky.

Instead of the usual dull blue colour, the sky was painted shades of purple, each tone blending into the other to create the most beautiful picture. The birds were still flapping around, trying to get back to their nests just before the sun disappeared completely and the sky shifted to the boring grey colour.

And even though the scene before me was so incredibly breathtaking, I hated it because of how cold it looked and felt. Even though the sun was still out, hanging just above the horizon, I couldn't help but notice how much warmth it lacked.

Or maybe I detested it so much because that is exactly how I felt.

I didn't exactly feel colourful or breathtakingly beautiful. I didn't feel warm or even soothing. I felt cold and blank. I felt like I'd shift from this dull state to an even darker one, just like the evening sky would shift into that horribly dark night with the stars nowhere in sight.

And the worst part was that nothing really happened which caused me to feel this way. I was perfectly fine this morning when I left for school and I was perfectly okay when I got back home. But the second I entered my room, it was like a switch was flipped and I turned completely blank.

I sighed, shaking myself out of my thoughts. Looking around once more, I noticed how I hadn't moved from my place. The sun was setting and the air was getting sharper so I decided to make my way back home, ignoring the voices in my head which continued to taunt me.

The walk back wasn't too long and I sighed as I stepped back into the warmth. The house was oddly quiet and I frowned as I hung my coat.

The thought of being alone tonight sent a dark feeling through my body and I closed my eyes briefly, inhaling deeply and pushing down the stupid thoughts.

"Jane?" I called out, remembering that she got off work early today because she wanted to rest.

"Kitchen!" She called back and I frowned slightly as I walked over to the kitchen. Popping my head in, I noticed her sitting on the table with a laptop open in front of her.

"Hey, honey." She smiled softly but I didn't fail to notice the tiredness she was trying to mask. I tilted my head to the side and gave her a small smile.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I said, walking over to sit down next to her. She smiled, shaking her head slightly.

"I'm okay. I just needed to get a few things done by tonight." I frowned and took her hands in mine, rubbing her knuckles softly with my thumbs.