Always

forty-eight

L U N A
"I never meant to hurt you like that
and if I could go back I'd leave you alone."

My heart was racing and I could hear the loud drumming of it in my ears as I stood outside his house, waiting for someone to open the door.

I needed to fix things. Really desperately. Because even after everything, I couldn't bring myself to do anything without making sure that Kyler was okay. I couldn't stand the thought of knowing that he was hurting because of me.

It was the only thing I had dreaded since the start of knowing him. I had detested the thought that one day, my selfishness would overcome my senses and I would end up hurting this pure soul who deserved all the love this world could give.

And that fear had come true. I had so selfishly blown up on him and taken out all my pain on him without even considering how badly it would affect Kyler. I didn't even stop to think that I wasn't the only one who was hurting and the guy who I had been dumping my issues on must have been going through things as well and maybe those issues were much worse than mine.

But now I was too tired to even regret what I did. I was too tired to even hate myself. But no matter how exhausted I felt, I had to drag myself over to his place and talk to him.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I almost missed the opening of the door. Looking up, my eyes met with those of Mrs. Anderson, who looked quite shocked to see me.

"Luna! What a pleasant surprise!" She gave me a welcoming smile but I was too tired to force one on my face.

"Hey, Mrs. Anderson." I spoke, my voice sounding heavy and tired. "Is Kyler home?"

I wasn't in the mood to spark up a casual conversation with her. All I wanted was to see Kyler right now.

"Yeah, he's upstairs in his room. Come on in." I did as she said and followed her inside. She didn't pay much mind to me as I began heading up the stairs and to the room which I clearly remember to be Kyler's. My fist lifted up, hovering right by the wooden door when I paused.

Did he even want to see me? Or did he finally realize that all I ever did was fuck things up for everyone? Was coming over and trying to talk to him really worth it?

But at this point, I didn't care. I didn't care if he didn't want to see me. I didn't care if he hated me after all of this. I didn't care if talking to him would push me even deeper into this dark hole.

I was too tired to care. Because no matter what happened, it was too late and any words or any actions wouldn't help make me feel better or worse.

And then, I knocked. Three loud taps against the wooden door which echoed throughout the silent hallway. I waited.

Swallowing a sigh when I was greeted by silence, I raised my fist again and rapped on the wood. There was a small shuffling noise from behind the door and I waited for a few seconds. The noise grew louder until I knew he was standing right behind the door.

Then it finally opened, and my eyes met with his after what felt like an eternity of not seeing each other.

I wish I could say that my breath got caught in my throat at the sight of him. I wish I could feel the skipping of my heartbeat or the way my tongue would usually run dry whenever he was around. I wish I could feel the flutter in my heart or the fireworks across my skin.

But none of these feelings came, and I was too tired to even conjure them.

Kyler's eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise. The look of disbelief on his face was a clear indication that he did not expect me to show up right in front of his bedroom door today. Or ever.