Always

thirty-one

L U N A
"Don't wanna cry
but I break that way."

There was an anxious feeling settling in my stomach as Kyler pressed his lips to my forehead but I closed my eyes nonetheless, basking in the slight comfort I got from his touch. For some odd reason, the thought of him leaving scared the living crap out of me.

And as much as I wanted to believe that the comfort and happiness overpowered all the negative thoughts, I knew deep down that I was lying to myself.

And I was also lying to Kyler.

It's not like I don't have feelings for him, because I do. My feelings for him were so damn strong that it scared me. My heart, my mind and my body wanted him so bad yet there was something in me that couldn't allow it; there was something in me screaming that I didn't deserve this.

Maybe it was because ever since I was born, I had faced rejection from everyone everywhere, starting with my very own father who decided that it was best for him if he left my mom while she was at her most vulnerable state. Then my grandparents who let mom and I suffer alone right after I was born. Then the kids back in kindergarten who didn't want me playing with the, because I didn't have a father. And finally, my own mother, who loved me unconditionally, but still ended up leaving me when I was just a teenager trying to navigate my way in this world.

And after all that, it was hard to believe that people actually cared for me anymore, no matter how obvious their affection for me is; it was hard to believe that anyone would actually stay.

So as Kyler and I said our goodbyes, with him walking over to where Sam stood with a large smirk on her red lips and me turning around to walk to Tanner's car, a huge weight settled on my shoulders and my head clouded with hundreds of incoherent thoughts, torturing me with every step I took.

"Luna!" I snapped out of my thoughts, turning my head to look at a familiar head of dark hair.

"Hey Tobias." I greeted, my voice clearly showing how exhausted I truly felt but I still tried to give him a smile. However my smile flattered when my eyes fell on the expression his face held and the anxious feeling in my stomach increased drastically.

"Are you okay?" I immediately asked and he singly ignored my question, stopping right in front of me.

"Do you have a minute?" The second I nodded he took hold of my arm, pulling me away from the parking lot and towards a secluded area where there were only two cars parked and absolutely no teenagers.

I opened my mouth to question him further but he beat me to it.

"Kyler? Seriously, Luna?" He spat, running his hands through his hair. I immediately frowned.

"What?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what he meant.

"Come on, Luna. You know what I mean." I pursed my lips, not knowing what to say.

"I don't know what to say to you, Toby." I breathed, voicing my thoughts.

"Well- I- you could explain to me what's going on between you and Anderson!" He said, exasperation clear in his tone and I bit my lip as his brown eyes bore into mine. "Because from all that kissing and hand holding I just I saw, I am certain you aren't just friends."