Boyfriend Imagines

you're about to get real mad at me

lol this is supposed to be serious, but i can't stop thinking about this tiktok audio (was it a vine first idk). I low-key want this to happen in real life for me but it hasn't happened yet rip.

y/n's pov

So lately, I've felt really bad about everything. I feel like everything is my fault. Y/bf/n has assured me that it isn't all my fault and that somethings happen for other reasons, but with everything that has happened in my past and our past as a couple, I feel like everything that has gone wrong was all my fault.

Things like school stress have been really getting to me. Not to mention the fact that we saw our families and they really didn't help with this situation. 

Plus at the beginning of our relationship, y/bf/n was going through something really hard and we didn't have the best communication. But we got some outside help and we're doing a lot better. But I feel like its my fault even when y/bf/n has told me that it isn't.

Basically, anytime that I bring up that something is my fault when it's not, y/bf/n is there to comfort me and help me, but I still feel like I'm being too much and that I'm putting all of my problems on him and that it'll be my fault that our relationship dies. (Oof y'all this got dark, I'm sorry)

Y/bf/n was taking a nap so I decided to be productive in the best way I could. We normally do our chores together, but I needed to do some homework so I did that. I put my slower songs on for some background noise as I worked. Falling by Harry Styles came on and I lost my focus. Listening to the words really made me think about myself:

What am I now? What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin'
What if I'm down? What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm fallin'

When y/bf/n was going though his hard time, I thought that it was all my fault and that he was trying to cut me off. We later found out that it wasn't me, but I still can't help but think it.

The words were really getting to my head and tears were rolling down my face. 

What if I'm someone I don't want around - I hated myself 

What if I'm someone you won't talk about - did he forget about me during that time?

And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again

It hit too hard and I was now crying harder. I couldn't hear anything other than my sobs and the music through my headphones.

I felt the headphones come off my head and y/bf/n's soft voice.

"Y/n, y/n what's wrong? Talk to me. Y/n what happened." Y/bf/n said as he put my head in his hands to get my attention.

I looked up at him through my tear filled eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"It's my fault! It's all my fault! I'm stupid and untalented and I don't deserve you because I pushed you away and I hate myself! It's my fault!" I said as I cried into his chest. He rubbed my back and picked me up. He took me from the kitchen table to the couch and sat us down.

"Y/n, look at me. Breathe." I did as y/bf/n said. "You didn't push me away. I pushed you away and that's my fault." He started to cry.

"I'm making you cry and I keep bringing this up. It's my fault that we can't move past this!" I said as I tried to control my tears but it didn't work.

"You are one of the best things to happen to me. I'm sorry that I hurt you really badly and that I make you think that its your fault when it never was." I looked him in the eyes and started to calm down. He was crying but it wasn't as crazy as me.

"You are really talented. You aren't stupid. You do deserve me. Baby, has this been happening to you a lot?" He looked at me with concern in his eyes and I nodded. 

"We got back test scores in my advanced class and everybody got scores higher than me and they were saying they were stupid. Then my dad called me to talk about those scores and he made me feel like crap for getting a low score." Y/bf/n put me in his lap and put my head on his chest as he rubbed my back.

"And I'm putting in so much effort and creativity into everything but no one is noticing and it's making me feel so untalented." I took a moment to breathe.

"And I still feel bad about our relationship anytime I listen to sad songs and I just think about how it felt like I lost you and how we solved it but I still think about that." I started breathing normally and tears were starting to slow down.

"I'm sorry if I've made you feel like crap for basically reminding you that you hurt me."

"Baby. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. But you've been feeling this way for a really long time for about a lot of things. I know that we found someone to talk to me about this whole process, but I think we need to find someone for you too." I looked at him and nodded. 

"Were you scared to talk to me about this?" He asked.

"Yea." He looked at me as if he was asking me why. "I bring this up too often and it's behind us so we should be moving forwards but I move us backwards again. And every time I start to cry and panic about this, I think of that 'you're about to get real mad at me' sound on tiktok."

Y/bf/n looked at me and started to laugh. I started to laugh too.

"It's gonna take us some time to get how we once was and you don't make me mad when you bring it up. This just shows that we need to talk to someone about this. Okay?" Y/bf/n said.

"Okay."

///lol so writing this, I kinda realized that it was kinda toxic. Basically, something like this happened to me and I try to look past it but I can't help it. When I talked to the person about this, they comforted me that we'll never be the same and that it's gonna be hard. Don't worry about me y'all. This is gonna sound really depressing, but rn all I want to do is lay in their arms and talk to them about how I've been and cry. Please don't hate me. I know that if it was any other person that made me feel this way, I would get out of there but with this certain person, I can't help myself but want the best for us. Wish me luck///