Love Stories Over A Cup Of Coffee

Cortado

The semester is about to end. Time really flies so fast. It will be a year since I've met P'Ohm. And who would have thought that after a year, he'll be going to be an actor, while I, Fluke, his senior mentor, will be attacked by a lot of people for being close to him.

I know from the very beginning that if we have a relationship beyond friendship, people, even those we do not know, will give a word or two about it. Whether those words were unsolicited or not, and even if they came from those we do not know, I am sure that I will greatly affected. Because I do overthink, and care about how others think of me. That's how I've been. People might call me a people pleaser but that is the only thing I know for me to be accepted and loved. 

My therapist has helped me to know who I really am. Why I do and think of certain things. Having new people in my life has always been hard because I am afraid that, like my father, they will also leave. I am afraid that I will never be enough for the love they can offer, and I will never be enough for them to stay in my life. My parents now and my brothers took years to reassure me that their love for me is unconditional, that it will never fade. Mild took years to ensure that I will never feel alone or left out, to make me feel that he will never leave my side. Same goes to all of the friends I have, Manager, P'Apple, and P'Earth. Sometimes, I still ask if I'm deserving of what they are giving me, deserving enough for them to stay in my life for a long time.

"Fluke, what are you doing here at this hour?" P'Apple tried to turn on the lights inside the coffee shop but unfortunately, there's a blackout.

She sat across me. There was a long silence between us. It is so silent inside the shop. From the looks of P'Apple's face, which I can see thanks to the candle I brought a while ago, I think she's thinking deep about something.

"Fluke, are you alright?"

I was shocked. Where did this question come from?

"Yes P'Apple. I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm just worried about you. Although I may not know what you've been through in the past, it seems to me that you pay attention to what other people say. You care, or at least you think you care, about what they say, and you overthink."

I let out a deep sigh.

"Even if I try to just ignore them, P', I just can't. I'm so used to thinking about how others think of me and what I do that even if I try hard, I can't help myself."

"I understand."

Another long silence began.

"How are you and Ohm. Did you talked about this already?"

"He apologized for what happened P. I think he doesn't need to. I understand."

P'Apple smiled.

"And how about his feelings, were you able to understand it?"

"P'Apple, what do you mean?"

"Oh come on Fluke. Don't tell me you still don't get it? The way Ohm looks at you, the fact that he is silent when with others but attentive and talkative when with you, the gifts, the visits, the late night calls?"

"Ummm" I don't want to say it but P'Apple is waiting. "He likes me?"

P'Apple smiled, the widest smile she ever had since I started living with them.

"Like? Hmmm, okay. How about your feelings towards him? How do you feel?"

I can feel my blood rushing to my face again . I saw P'Apple gave out a smirk. Maybe she saw me blushing.

"W-what do you mean P?" I asked as if I did not get what she wants from me.

"The constant blushing, red ears, late night talks, rushing to him when he needs you, sad and zoning out when he is not around? And, showing him a part of you that only your family knows?"

"Hmmm, I like him?"

"You're not sure?"

I let out a sigh. Because...

"I am sure about it P', it's just that I'm not sure how I'll let him know about it."

P'Apple chuckled.

"You're so cute. Okay, what's important is, you are sure of how you feel for him. And you know how he feels for you. Have you told him about this?" I shooked my head.

"I don't have the courage, P'."

"You know what, I know that action speaks louder than words. But sometimes, other people cannot fully realize our intentions, or how we feel if we only do the actions. Sometimes, we have to tell them. Say it. Because sometimes, maybe, it's the only thing that they are waiting for."

"But P'" I really wanted to open up to her about this, "I'm scared. What if I'm not deserving of his love? What if I'm not enough?"

She looked at me in the eyes. Those caring eyes, they look a little bit sad?

"Fluke, you can never be not enough or too much. You are you. You are enough. Always remember that."

And after that, the electricity is back.

"I guess, that's a sign we go back upstairs."

She stood up and went straight out of the coffee shop.