Love Stories Over A Cup Of Coffee

XVIII. Enlighten Me

After Gulf and Mark's confrontation, the shooting of Gulf and Mew's show was halted for a month. The management said that the wtiter, who happens to be Gulf, has decided to take a break and will think about what the management did - inclusion of Mark to the show.

Gulf was silent the whole time and did not communicate with Mew. Apple was also silent about it and wasn't talking to Mew.

Mew felt left out. He wanted to talk to everyone but he doesn't know how to approach them. He doesn't even know what are the right things to say.

"Go talk to Mark first. Face him, talk to him, and soft things out. Forgive him or apologise if needed. Then forgive yourself. That's what you should have done years ago." Tawan advised him.

He looked for Mark everywhere and he found him at Dr. Podd's facility. He asked permission from his old friend to talk to Mark. Dr. Podd see it as an opportunity to help Mark as well, so he agreed.

Mark was seated on one of the tables at the café where Mew used to be the manager. The café still looks the same. Prem's plants grew so well.

Mew sat down across Mark. Mark looked at Mew but did not say a word. He just gave him a sharp look, maybe still angry for the things that Mew did, which of course, he just made up.

Me gave him a faint anf sad smile.

Silence.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you this time. And I think I will never will anymore." Mew said apologetically.

Mark's eyes showed that he is surprised, but he did not say a word.

Mew took a deep breath. "Before, I thought being silent on the issue will protect me, those close to me, including you. I thought that by being silent, the issue will just leave on its own and everything will be back to normal. But it did not. I didn't notice that my friends have been hurting and wanted me to fight. They wanted me to fight for what is right because they'll be there for me, but I never saw that. I was so preoccupied with myself that I ended up hurting then. I thought back then that when I keep silent, you will be protected. After all, you are the victim in your narrative. But seeing you through the years, I feel like you are more in pain now than before."

A tear dropped from Mark's left eye.

"When you showed up again, I got so scared and ran away. I wasn't scared of you, but I was so scared for Gulf. I was so happy with him, more happier than when I was with you. When you showed up, I was reminded that such happiness can turn to tears. I ran away thinking that I was protecting Gulf from me, but no, I think I hurt him more than anyone else. But Gulf has stood by my side even if I left him. And now, the only way for me to make it up to him is to stay by his side and stop hurting him."

Another tear fell from Mark's eye.

"Mark, I'm sorry if I made you feel miserable. It wasn't my intention. I was just concerned about you. And I was so in love with you. My feelings then were real. I was so happy that you came to my life and accepted me. I'm sorry if my love has caused you pain." Mew said, trying to stop himself from crying.

More tears escape Mark's eyes.

"And even if you didn't asked for it, I forgive you. Not for your sake, but for myself and for everyone who have been there for me. I forgive you for me to finally let go of the past and move on with life. I really do hope you also do the same. Because living in the past will only deprive us of all the wonderful things that life can offer to us. And I still hope the best for you."

Silence. Mew was looking at Mark's face the entire time. Mark was looking back, but his vision was blurred by tears.

Silence. It was a very long silence that Mew felt almosy awkward. Just when he decided to stand up and leave, Mark began to talk.

"I'm sorry Phi." That was the first thing he said. He is not looking at Mew anymore, he is looking down to hide his tears.

"I'm so sorry for causing you so much trouble all these years. I'm so sorry for making up stories about you." Mark courageously looked into Mew's eyes. "I was so envious of you." Mew was shocked. "I was so envious that many people love you, many people admire you. I thought back then that when you decide to work alone, I will disappear from the industry. I was so scared of that. So I agreed with my manager to do that. I thought it was fine. But then, I saw how devastated you were. After my interview, I regretted what I did but it was too late to turn back everything." Mark's tears continue to fall. "But you know what, karma hit me hard. When you disappeared, I slowly faded and lost everything I thought I could keep. And I lost you, and I even lost the only memory I have of you."

Mew did not say a word, still in shock of the revelations. He wanted to get angry but he can't. Maybe because deep inside, he really knows he did not do anything bad, he was just blinded by the illusion that Mark created.

"When you came back, I wanted to come and talk to you to apologise. But then I saw you with Gulf. You were so happy with him. I was envious of him. I thought, "that could have been me," "it should be me laughing with Phi," but more than envious, I was jealous. I was jealous because of how you look at him. You look at him with so much love and admiration  it was different from how you look at me. I wish for you to look at me that way but no. I thought it was my punishment, to see you finally happy with someone who only has love for you, unlike me who is envious. I hated it, I hated myself. But hate and jealousy consumed me and once again hurt you. Once again, I regretted my decisions. But because of that, I lost you forever."

Mark began to cry heavily. Mew doesn't know what to do. He just sat there and watch Mark cry.

"P'Mew," to this, Mew wasn't able to stop himself from crying, this is the first time in many years that Mark say his name without hate, "I'm so sorry."

Mew stood up and turn around. He was trying to hide his tears.

"Thank you. Thank you for being honest with me." Then he left.

All these years, Mew was being in pain for reasons that he couldn't really understand. He was avoiding the problem and ended up hurting himself more. But now that he faced Mark, he finally realised that talk to Mark was the key for him to be okay. It's not Mark per se, but it was his courage to face and talk to him that helped him began his healing process. In the end, it was the only thing he needed to do to heal.

Now, Mew feels light. The heavy feeling that has been there is slowly fading away. He is now ready to face Apple and Gulf. He has to apologise and explain to them.