Baby boy

19

In order: Daniel, Carly, Trevor, Jaylynn, Abby, Lily.

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Onwards!!!!

Trevor:

Time flew by.

Nothing sat still.

Life was great. Nothing to interrupt. Nothing to interfere.

We hung out with Carly, Daniel, Abby, and Lily quite often. We became great friends. They all brought me out of my shell.

Slowly everything was coming back together. I'm finally to a point where I'm no longer sad when his name is mentioned. He's just a part of my past now. And I'm finally wanting to make my future.

It was like a switch in my brain. I'm happier now. Things could be better, but I'm happier than I was.

I'm drinking less. So I guess that's good.

But love life has turned around. I finally wanted to be better. For myself and Jay. I knew I didn't deserve him, so I am becoming someone he deserves.

I'm willing to fight for that.

No more moping. No more tears. No more worries. Just.... living in the present. Because I'm tired of living in the past. Dwelling on things I can't change, and never will be able to.

"What's got you so deep in your mind?" Jay laid on my chest. Our bare skin connecting under the sheets. 

"Just thinking." I smiled, kissing his forehead. "You make me happy Jay."

He smiled weakly. Letting his soft hair graze across my chest as he lifted his head to look at me.

"You make me happy too." He smiled, kissing me gently.

"You excited for the trip?" I held him close as he perched himself on my chest. Holding himself up by his forearms.

"Of course! I'm excited to meet the lovely lady that raised you." He smiled, but I could see the nervousness behind his eyes.

"What are you so nervous about?" His mouth dropped a bit, surprised I could read him like a book. Nothing to be left unseen.

"I... How'd you know?!?!"

"Baby... I can read you so easily. Something's bothering you. What's wrong?" He sighed, laying back down on my chest. Facing away from me.

"I feel like I don't know you... like I do! I know all the little things. You don't like black coffee but you drink it anyway, your favorite color is red and black, you're a switch, when you're upset you get really quiet and talk at a lower level, when you're sad you shut down and hide your feelings, when you're happy you aren't afraid to show it and gladly will tell me when you're happy.... but I don't... KNOW you... you know?" I took in his words, trying to understand where he's prodding at.

"What did you want to know?"

"Well... first off, you never told me what you and Daniel were talking about when we were at Abby's...." he chewed on his lip as he turned his head to face me.

"We were talking about the nature of our relationship." I said flatly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... fuck, well I'm just gonna say It. Jay. I want you to be my little." His head perked up, staring at me in awe.

"You... want... you what? Are you serious?" He looked at me surprised.

"Of course! Look, I want you to be yourself. I don't want you to have to hide anything from me. And that includes your little side. I want you to embrace it. We can take it slow in that department, but I want you to be comfortable with it. Slowly start to be in your little space longer each time, and embracing that part of you." He smiled gently.