Twdg | Luke and Nick | idk who to love...

What have I...

Nick's POV

This can't be happening... This can't be real...

I shook my head, rubbing my eyes then blinked rapidly. And when that didn't work, I resorted to pinching. Ow! But no, it wasn't a dream. I was here, watching the boy who had assaulted being applauded. For something I did...

I would've clapped, cheered even, if it weren't for the cast on his arm, restricting his movements. I would've maybe even smiled, if I hadn't set my eyes upon the bandage strung across the side of his face, shielding his eye from sight. It hit me then; 'I caused this... ME?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who goes out looking for this. Believe it or not, I didn't actually intend for any of this to happen. Just... Fuck...

I look up at Ashley, who's attention is now on the boy. He's smiling now, listening (or at least pretending to) to his praises and whatever else. As time goes on, his smile because more and more strained, and I begin to wonder if his mouth hurts more than his arm. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Ashley looked back at me, giving me a reassuring smile. She's not fooling me; if I know her as well as I think I do, she's just as worried as me, trying to come up with some sort of plan to get us both out if this tangled mess. Maybe we could do a runner again, who knows. But where would we run? Exactly.

I can't believe I - no... I didn't do that much damage, right?

"I don't know, Nick. You weren't thinking straight..." Ashley whispers. She's barely looking at me.

"I know I just... Fuck..."

I actually find it kind of pathetic that I'm scared to kill a buck, who's life would benefit my empty stomach, yet I don't hesitate at the chance to do... Oh I can't even look... Just... What a fucking mess...

"If Alvin was in this situation he'd take that shot." I heard myself say, somehow hoping it would make me feel better.

"Don't make it right." Ashley replied, crushing that hope.

My mind began to configure the perfect way to explain this to Pete. I had kept quiet, hoping that the incident would resolve itself. Ha ha ha ha... This is why I don't leave anything to luck. I've been a pure realist ever since... The incident. Because tell me:what has luck got anything to do with mom drowning? What has luck got to do with my life in general? Exactly, nothing.

But then I look at Ashley, and my who.e attitude changes. She's been there fore me in more ways than I could ever count. I owe her so much, but she's too kindhearted to realise. She doubts herself, just like I do, and we both blame each other for situations, refusing to let anyone else take the role.

"I don't know how I'm gonna tell Pete..." I murmured.

"He'll understand, Pete's reasonable, Nick. He'll know you were provoked."

I don't think 'provoked' is the right word. More like, impulsive, stupid, idiotic. They all seem more suitable. But even then, I can't actually predict Pete's reaction, which is a first for me. My mind seems to be one step ahead, already scripting Pete's different reaction scenarios. At first I think bewilderment; I tend to be aggro, not physical. I don't think I've ever actually hit my Uncle, though I could effortlessly name the times when I was tempted to. But then I wonder... Maybe disappointment, embarrassment. His own niece, almost a 'man' is not 'man' enough to hunt for dinner, yet can attack a innocent human, who is no use to me...

"You can't blame yourself, Nick. You didn't mean to - "

"Stop, just stop Ash." I can't bare the army anymore of her lies, even if they are supposed to make me better. Not that it's helping anyway.

I spent the rest of assembly, head down in shame. I began to wish that I had remembered to bring my hat into school; It would've helped with the camouflage.

The bell suddenly rang, snapping me back to my senses. The hall was filled with an immense amount of noise, and I found the palm of my hands placed firmly on my ears. Row by row began to exit the hall, minimising the booming that irritated my ears. It wasn't long before the noise had reached a bare minimum, a few kids shushing their classmates, teachers placing their fingers on lips. It took me a moment to realise that I still had my hands on my face. I jerked them away, rubbing my neck, trying to soothe the uncomfortable feeling of embarrassment. It took a little of the stress away.

The headmaster dismissed my row, again sending a huddle towards the door. Ashley is walking beside me, she too observing the mess. We are the last two to exit the hall, (I guess we both have claustrophobia).

I have maths. Ugh. Ew. Time to work out the value of meaningless shapes. I give Ashley a little smirk, somehow knowing that this would get to her. She rolled her eyes in retaliation, before slowly making her way. I smiled to myself, before turning in the opposite direction. Ugh, through the cold, wet playground. Great.

"Wait," I heard her say. Her hand was gripping at my wrist, and I was in no mood to let her let go...

"What?"

"Why did you do... This?" She asked, obviously referring to the fight.

Hmmm....

For you? That was what I wanted to say, but I somehow couldn't bring myself to it. My mind just wasn't connecting with my mouth. Coincidence? But what u supposed to say? Maybe I could just lie, and make up some soppy excuse. It would work for anyone else, maybe even Luke, but Ashley knows me too well. Too, too well. She'd know that I would be lying, the second the word escaped my mouth. But I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth. So what was I supposed to say?!

"I've seen this before..." I began, pausing to let those beautiful hazel eyes lock into mine.

"I just... Didn't want to see it happen to you..."