Absolutely Not

28

Naruto sat in the passengers seat he stared out the window. "Sometimes I don't think about him." He whispered.

Sasuke turned to him, "Huh?" He pulled into the parking spot and waited.

"Sometimes I don't think about Kiba and then it comes flooding back to me. I feel bad that I haven't thought about him all day." Naruto's eyes were dead, not an ounce of emotion. "It hurts when it hits me. My heart drops, and I feel empty. And wrong."

Sasuke frowned he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to act. He didn't want to be the understanding boyfriend because he didn't understand. None of his friends are dead. He could relate to him with his mother, but even that is a little different. Because everyone lives different lives.

"I can't tell when I'm supposed to move on from this. It just doesn't feel right to think about anything but him." Naruto turned to Sasuke he looked at him and tried to smile, Sasuke turned away. "I don't want to think about him everyday of my life. I feel guilty if I don't."

Sasuke nodded his head, what was he supposed to say. How was he supposed to say it. Did he wanted him to say anything? Did he just want him to listen? What was the correct answer!

"I'm not angry. I was when I first found out. But then I wasn't. And I just don't think I can forgive him...."

"I don't think it's about forgiveness right now." Sasuke muttered. He didn't think Naruto had to accept it right away. This takes time. "I think you just need to go through it all. Let forgiveness enter your mind when it's right. You never have to forgive anyone. Ever."

"He made me promise him I wouldn't be sad or angry. He said do you promise when I'm happy you won't be sad. How was that fair! I promised him I wouldn't, but I didn't know.. I didn't know death was his happiness!"

Sasuke stared ahead, his mouth hanging open slightly. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn't imagine what was going through Naruto's head right now. He couldn't even begin to wonder.

"Let's go for a walk." Sasuke whispered, he got out of the car. Naruto tore his seatbel off and stood next to Sasuke. He grabbed Naruto's hand and continued to look straight ahead. "I want you to talk. And let it all out."

"I can't stop thinking about his mom." Naruto admitted. His heart broke when he thought about Kibas mom. Because she was so kind and loved her kids more then anything. She did everything for her children. "I can't help but think she's mad. Mad at him, herself, the world, maybe even me."

The trees were blowing with the breeze, it was exceptionally nice today. A very good day to go for a walk and clear your mind.

"Does that bother you?" Sasuke whispered, "that Kiba had a mother so caring and he threw it away."

Naruto sighed "doesn't it bother you?" He looked at the trees, the trail they were walking on was well known. They haven't come across anyone else. Maybe today was the correct day to come here. Maybe Sasuke knows the days he'll be alone.

"It's not my life to be bothered by. I don't have a mother like that, I never did. There is always something more. We weren't in his brain."

"That sounds a little inconsiderate. I mean I don't know." Naruto shook his head he looked at Sasuke his hair was moving with the wind. He smiled, Sasuke was bright, and he was growing with him. He wasn't moving on ahead, he was by his side. "I guess I just don't want God to be mad at me for my thoughts."

Sasuke shrugged "I don't believe in God. And I don't think it's fair that you have to think your thoughts need to be right by him. Your thoughts and feelings are your own. Why worry?"

Sasuke didn't understand religion. It didn't make sense, there were so many kinds and so many different people. The church was never welcoming to his family because of who they were. The community was never really welcoming. They just know who they are, like they're some kind of celebrity that everyone hates.

Regardless, Sasuke will never step foot in a church. It's not something he wants to do.

Bad things happen all the time. To Sasuke, there was no God. That didn't mean there wasn't hope.

"You've got your whole life to wonder and grieve and decide who you are. Isn't that what you want? To leave so you can decide who you want to be?"

Naruto nodded "I want to be by your side when I do. I like growing with you Sasuke, you're my guiding light right now."

"Well I won't be forever, you need to be your own light."

Naruto grinned at him, his heart swelled. He had a bright smile, he could tell his eyes were happy. He wasn't thinking he was just smiling. Sasuke smiled back, he swayed their hands and continued to walk.

"I'm glad I met you. And I'm glad you brought me here."

"I thought you might need a break from everything. I had planned to bring you here but then Kiba and your mom. I knew you needed to leave."

"I did." Naruto ran his hand against the tree bark, they stood in front of a giant tree. The leaves covered the sun, they were in the shade. Naruto turned to Sasuke, he could see the light around them. They just had to step into it.

Sasukes phone started to ring. He took it out of his pocket and glared. Naruto peaked at the phone. "Do they want to hangout?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke continued to glare "I want to hangout with you."

Naruto's face turned red, "tell them we can hangout tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow is our last day here. I want to spend it alone with you." Sasuke started typing on his phone. Naruto puffed out his cheeks.

"Well you can hangout with me everyday when we get home. Why not hangout with your friends? We can go to the waterfalls tomorrow morning and then meet them in the afternoon."

"They annoy me." Sasuke muttered, he handed Naruto his phone. "You decide what to do." He closed his eyes and leaned against the tree.

Naruto stared at the phone he started typing the message. He started it over twice, unsure what to really say.

To be fair he didn't like sasukes friends much, but Sasuke was going to college soon. He should be them a little more. Naruto told them tomorrow afternoon.

He sat down under the tree and handed back Sasukes phone. "Tomorrow we can all just stay at your house and watch movies. Doesn't that sound better then trying to figure out what to do?"

Sasuke nodded his head "it sounds nice, maybe I can sleep and they won't notice."

Naruto chuckled he nodded his head and leaned into Sasuke. "You can sleep now if you want."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand he started playing with his fingers, "no I'll talk to you instead."