Should I Tell? / l.h

Chapter 29

Everyday I visited him, everyday I turned up with a smile on my face no matter how bad I was feeling and everyday he told me he was okay, but there was something different, something he weren't telling me and for two weeks I tried to figure it out. I thought maybe it was just something the doctors told him and he was going to tell me in his own time but he told me nothing, then I thought it might be something to do with Marley or Calum but I asked them and they didn't know anything, so my only other option was to ask Luke.

"you get to come home today don't you?" I remember him saying this yesterday but he said it the other day too and he didn't, they change their minds everyday

"yeah, as far as I'm aware I'm still coming home today" he doesn't seem too enthusiastic

"good, that's good" over the last two weeks our conversations have got shorter and meaningless, I hope it changes once he's out,

"how's Marley?"

"she's good, she's going back to school tomorrow so she's going good" he looks disappointed because Marley went home a week ago, "you'll be back in school before you know it too, and then we can do all that stuff we've talked about"

"oh yeah, go back to school the place I hate, can't wait" I don't know whether he's being sarcastic or serious but I get the feeling he's not joking

"your coming home today why are you in such a bad mood?"

"damn it Lexie stop with all the questions, I would rather not play 20 questions right now" he keeps snapping at me I don't how much more I can take before I snap

"fine I'll go, since there's nothing for me here I'll go" I got my stuff together and headed for the door, but the sound of a silent whisper stopped me

"you'd really go? you'd really leave me?" the hurt and desperation in his voice is clear, he and I both know that I would never actually leave, I don't think I could, maybe before but not now

"no, you know I'd come back Luke it's just I can't keep up with your constant back and forth, I don't know what page I'm on with you because one minute you're telling me that we're going to go on these amazing dates and that you're going to take me anywhere an everywhere but then the next your snapping at me for no reason and I can't keep doing it" I have to stand my ground at some point, my mum always told me you have to tell them from the start if you don't like something otherwise they'll never learn, 'nip it in the bud',

"I know and I'm sorry it's just, never mind it's nothing, you might as well go, I'm probably not good company right now"

"no, I'm not leaving until you tell me" we are both staring at each other, I'm not moving until he tells me, but we are interrupted by someone coming through the door, a different nurse

"right, your appointment with the psychiatrists has been moved up to 2:30 is that okay?" he nods his head, why would he need to see a psychiatrist? "the other nurses will be in a minute so you'll have to leave I'm afraid" the nurse leaves shortly after and as soon as she leaves in screaming at him,

"a psychiatrist! why are you seeing you a psychiatrist and why didn't you tell me?!"

"Lexie I said stop it with the 20 questions! And they think I might have PTSD, that's all so you can leave now"

"why didn't you tell me?" my voice is much calmer now, but he seems even more agitated

"because I didn't want to" he isn't even looking at me anymore

"but why?"

"damn it Lexie" he pauses and just as I'm about to say something he does "I didn't want to tell you because, well for two reasons really, I didn't want to worry you because for the last two weeks you've done nothing but worry and the second reason is if I told you, it would have became real and I don't want it to, I want it to go away but if I told you it wouldn't"
Before I could say anything the nurses came in and started checking him,
"you'll have to go now sweetheart, you can come back during visiting hours" I walked over to his bed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, he grabbed hold of my hand and sqozed it tightly, at first I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't and let go.

"you'll come back yeah?"

"always" and a small grin appeared on his face and as I walked away, I thought about how much has happened over the last few weeks and what more could possible happen?