Divine's Time

8. not giving up

Divine

"Merry Christmas, baby!" ,

Goldie hugged me tightly, patting my back. She began to rock us side to side. I've grown to hate these kinds of hugs. I've been getting these hugs ever since P died. Everybody been treating me like a lil ass kid, it keeps reminding me of P's death. I'm lowkey tired of that shit. I don't need it as much as they think I do. I'm tired of hugs, and "I'm sorry for your loss, and let me know if you need anything." I've become numb to it.

"Merry Christmas, Auntie," I responded, lowly. "Merry Christmas, Mama." I picked up the presents Erika had wrapped up for me. I got plenty of presents for Mama and Goldie. "Merry Christmas, go and set them presents under the tree and help me in the kitchen," Mama replied.

I did as told and met with Mama and Time laughing, and preparing food. Her again.

Every time I saw she always looked pretty, it's like she doesn't even have to try too hard. She had an innocent look to her. I can tell she came from a different place, like Dade County had to offer.

"Hey." I greeted her quickly, she looked at me and smiled, "Hi, Merry Christmas."

"What do you need help with, old lady?" I joked while watching her wash greens.
•••
After eating myself half to death, Goldie opened her gifts. I made a mental note to leave after Mama opened hers. I gave Mama her biggest gift to speed up the process: "Alright, your turn, Mama."

She looked up at me, trying to hide her smile. I loved to see her smile, she didn't do much of that these days. "What's this? I told you I don't want anything D-"

"Charlie, c'mon with that. It's Christmas." Goldie nudged her.

"Please, Mama," I told her to set the large box on her lap

She sighed, slowly her long brown fingers peeled back the red sparkly paper. "Who wrapped this so nicely? I know you didn't, boy." She said, making Goldie laugh.

"Probably, one of his little girlfriends." Goldie retorted, nudging me, I shook my head laughing. Goldie poked my dimple like she always did since I was a kid.

Mama finally opened her gift, revealing her red wine colored YSL handbag with gold accents. "Oh my! Divine, stop it. This is sharp." She gasped.

"That's so nice, Charlie!" Time added smiling largely. Her phone rang loudly, making her look at it. Then, rolling her eyes, she looked at it for a minute before excusing herself from the room.

I placed my focus back on my mom and the purse, urging her to open the rest of her gifts.

Time

"Ma! I'm sorry. I'll be back home to see you soon, I promise! I wanted to spend some time with-"

"You're letting the devil take you from me. I should never have let you move to Miami! Look how you're treating your mother. You should be here!" She whispered loudly, "Everyone is asking where you are! People are suspecting that something is wrong-"

"Let them suspect, Mom! Who cares-

"You embarrass your mother like this, Time? You embarrass me? You said you were gonna be here for Christmas, you're a liar! That damn sister of mine has you lying to your mother."

My eyes started to water, listening to her scold me with her words. Even though I knew she was being dramatic as always, it hurt to be yelled at like this for simply doing what I wanted to do for once. 

I found peace here in Miami, with Goldie. I didn't want it to end, not yet. I felt bad; a part of me was cursing myself for not going back home. I know my mother needs me, and Christmas was important to her, but all I ever did was live for her; that has to stop sometime in my life.