Divine's Time

8. not giving up

Divine

"Merry Christmas, baby!" Goldie hugged me tightly patting my back, She began to rock side to side. I've grown to hate these kinds of hugs. I've been getting these hugs ever since P died. Everybody been treating me like a lil ass kid, it keeps reminding me of P's death. I'm lowkey tired of that shit. I don't need it as much as they think, I'm tired of hugs, and "I'm sorry for your loss, and let me know if you need anything." I've became numb to it.

"Merry Christmas, auntie." I responded, lowly. "Merry Christmas, mama." I picked up the presents Erika wrapped up for me, I got plenty of presents for mama and Goldie "Merry Christmas, gone and set them presents under the tree and help me in the kitchen." Mama replied.

I did as told and met with mama and Time laughing, and preparing food. Her again.

Every time I saw she always looked pretty, it's like she doesn't even have to too try hard. She seems like a stuck up know it all too. The first day, I met her she started telling me about toxic coping mechanisms and shit, like the fuck even is that. The night at the gas station she act like she couldn't speak. I don't know, but she pretty.

"Hey." I greeted her quickly, she looked at me and smiled, "Hi, Merry Christmas."

"What you need help with old lady." I joked watching her wash greens.
•••
After eating myself half to death, Goldie open her gifts. I made a mental note to leave after Mama opened hers. I gave mama her biggest gift to speed up the process, "Alright, your turn mama."

She looked up at me trying to hide her smile, I loved to see her smile she didn't do much of that these days. "What's this? I told you I don't want nothing D-"

"Charlie, c'mon... it's Christmas." Goldie nudged her.

"Please mama." I told her setting the large box in her lap

She sighed, slowly her long brown fingers, peeled back the red sparkly paper "Who wrapped this so nice? I know you didn't boy." She said making Goldie laugh.

"Probably, one of his little girlfriends." Goldie retorted nudging me, I shook my head laughing Goldie poked my dimple like she always did since I was a kid.

Mama finally opened her gift revealing her red wine colored YSL hand bag with gold accents. "Oh my! Divine, stop it. This is sharp." She gasped.

"That's so nice, Charlie!" Time added smiling largely. Her phone rang loudly making her look at it then rolling her eyes, she looked at it for a minute before excusing herself from the room.

I placed my focus back on my mom and the purse urging her to open the rest of her gifts.

Time

"Ma! I'm sorry. I'll be back home to see you soon, I promise! I really wanted to spend some time with-"

"You're letting the devil take you from me. I should of never let you move to Miami! Look how your treating your mother. You should be here!" She whispered loudly, "Everyone is asking where you are! People are suspecting that something is wrong-"

"Let them suspect, mom! Who cares-

"You embarrass your mother like this, Time? You embarrass me? You said you were gonna be here for Christmas, You're a lie! That damn sister of mine has you lying to your own mother. You lie! Don't bother coming back, stay with her."

My eyes started to water, listening to her scold me with her words. I bit my lip to keep from crying. I just wanted to do something, I wanted for once. I found peace here in Miami, with Goldie I didn't want it to end, not yet. I felt bad, apart of me was cursing myself for not going back home. I know my mother needs me, and Christmas was important to her but, all I ever did was live for her, that has to stop sometime in my life.