Reflection and Analysis

Untitled VLD Thing (3/19/2020)

The following scene always bothered me in VLD.

Allura: She voices frustration regarding the fact they are getting nowhere, but voices the fact the others can't possibly understand what she's going through. She thought Coran and she were the only survivors of her race only to learn that someone was experimenting on survivors followed up by someone else pretty much brainwashing the survivors of that.
Lance: "I understand what it feels like to see someone I care about hurt so much." That is an exact quote from her.
Allura: For some reason she's now apologizing for something she shouldn't have to apologize for.
Keith: Tries asking her what she wants to do regarding the situation only for her to shut down.

How is that not a guilt-trip when Allura felt like she needed to apologize, but outright shut down when someone else tried actually addressing how she felt? Well, this person's argument was that it wasn't a guilt trip because he was trying to empathize with Allura's situation, but apparently he's not a narcissist despite the fact he made her emotional situation about himself. To quote another person in fandom...

"Honestly, I'm kind of over people acting like this. If someone tells you that you don't understand what they're going through, then just countering by saying that you do understand is not demonstrating that understanding. (I get that Lance was technically saying that he feels sorry to see Allura so upset, but I'm focused on how he was written to use the specific words he did.) The person wouldn't have said that you don't understand if you were demonstrating that you do. The fact that they told you that you don't understand indicates you need to reevaluate your behavior toward that person. Too often, it feels like when someone says that others don't understand what they're going through, people who counter by just saying that they do understand are just trying to avoid self-examination, they're trying to take the cheap way out of the social situation. Applying that to this situation, I don't think anyone has demonstrated that they recognize what effect this situation is having on Allura. It's been well over a season of this show since anyone's really paid attention to Allura, and Lance wanting to date and kiss her does not count as anyone paying attention to her thoughts and feelings about what's going on in her life."

The'only thing I don't agree with regarding what kcwcommentary says here as that nobody was paying attention to Allura's feelings. Keith was, but Keith – he's got some major social issues going on, but at least he does try despite not really knowing how to deal with the emotional trauma of his teammates., so definitely not the best person here. The important thing here though is the part about how Lance is "just trying to avoid self-examination" yet fans of the pairing want me to believe he's trying to understand where she's coming from and being emotionally supportive. Um, no. He put his feelings before her, but she was made to feel guilty for hurting his feelings.

And yes, this is a form of emotional abuse. I've had someone tell me pretty much, "I've been abused, so I know better than you that this isn't abuse", yet one experience of emotional abuse – even two experiences – that doesn't mean you are able to identify all forms of emotional abuse which exist. By saying it's not abuse, you're saying it's okay for someone to refuse "to reevaluate your behavior towards that person."

To say Lance isn't an abusive boyfriend...

Egads, he manipulates her into going on a date with him. When he kisses her without her permission he doesn't stop to think about whether she's okay with it, which she was obviously not, nor do we see this for the second kiss as the kiss gets caught off. He treats her like a possession as well, getting mad with jealousy when Hunk mentions DotU ships Keith and Allura, but effectively saying she doesn't have a choice, but she is pretty much treated as a trophy by her family.

Yeah, they have moments – after Allura's mind was taken over, yet we're supposed to believe she actually likes Lance despite the fact she's shown disgust for him, rejecting his advances because she blushes once when Lance is with his sister despite the fact – gasp – said character wasn't identified as his sister prior to that. That's problematic narratively, majorly so.

The entire narrative – it's about making Allura feel guilty about not getting with Lance, but also framing it as if she has no other choice. Mind you, a lot of the guilt tripping, that isn't Lance, but to argue she loves him, reciprocates his feelings – not with the way it was written.

Which brings me to a MAJOR point.

It has to do with "the way it was written" and the fact I actually do believe that there are people who are fans of the pairing out there who could make this work. It's difficult though, because if Lance were to start taking into consideration Allura's feelings, he's going to take into consideration the feelings of others. There's also the fact – well, there's a good reason Allura kept rejecting Lance, but she shouldn't be worn down. Lance tend tends to be treated like a Gary Stu when people write him.