Reflection and Analysis

I Was in a Toxic Relationship so I Know It's Not Toxic Myth (6/3/20)

So, one of the things I've seen in the last month or so is this claim of "I was in a toxic relationship so I've the right to determine whether a specific ship is toxic or not". This is in relation to someone trying to tell me that Lance/Allura isn't an emotionally abusive relationship on Lance's part and also that Catra/Adora isn't abusive either for the Shera series when in truth both are.

I guess I should start off with the fact one of the things they're saying about the She-Ra reboot is that because it's done by an LGBT person that it's done right, yet I'm majorly sick of seeing people say someone who isn't of a certain group can't get a certain type of character right because part of the whole point of being a good writer is not making everyone like yourself, but writing a diverse range of characters and that only someone of a minority group can get their story right.

I mean, Utena wasn't created by anyone LGBT for all we know, yet this is considered one of the most pivotal works regarding LGBT characters to this day, yet the portrayal of queerness in the new She-Ra reboots makes people who are LGBT look like shitty people. Sure, I'm heterosexual and not transgender, but I don't like the LGBT people I've come to know in my life being put in such a bad light. And no, I'm not "cis-gender" as I'm actually gender noncomforming – although, truth be told the people who toss around the word "cis-gender" to discredit anyone who doesn't agree with them are likely to try to classify my as transgender when I'm not or still pull the "you're cis-gender so your opinion is automatically invalidated" when it's not.

Actually, I'm going to argue that if a person has to use the whole appeal to the minority argument use this form of logical fallacy because they don't have an actual leg to stand on – for if they actually had factual evidence countering their argument then – well, they'd use that instead. And no, one's own personal experience only goes so far.

What really strikes me in this particular given situation is that unlike the others of say "I'm LGBT" or "I'm black" meaning they do likely know more about their own minority group, in the case of those who've been in a toxic relationship one can argue the opposite is true – that they're less likely to identify whether an actual relationship is toxic or not based on the actual fact – well, read Farahnaz Mohammed's article "The Repetition Compulsion: Why Rape Victims Are More Likely To Be Assaulted Again."

So yeah – I'm not going to trust the word of someone who says "I was in a toxic relationship so I know what a toxic relationship is" because that right there as someone who has actually done quite a bit of research on the subject sends up warning bells yet makes me honestly worried that said person will end up in another such relationship. I mean, the one who personally talked to me admitted to being in a toxic relationship not once, but twice.

It's not something I wish to admit is true, but what I said is.

Nobody has the right over another to determine whether something is done well. What determines whether something is done well or not, or in this case a toxic relationship are the facts. The facts are stacked against both the pairings I mentioned. Does this mean I'm saying don't ship them, but freedom to ship what you want doesn't mean being in denial regarding what you ship. I'm saying this as someone who has no problem with toxic ships when they are done right and don't romatisize the toxic nature of said ships.