Dasey (Derek and Casey) Life With Derek

Hurt.

I didn't know how to talk to Casey after that fight.Everything she said was true,there are a million things we can't do as a couple.Aside from sneaking around and our sexual moments ,what did we have? I don't agree about her crazy Bradly friendship plan.She didn't even bother to tell me and that night seeing him on top of her,I get sick and angry thinking about it.

It hurt me mostly because she didn't care and she was willing to put herself at risk and I realized that if we never crossed that line that night that she would be living a normal university life.So would I. We wouldn't be hurting as much as we are or confused or conflicted as we are.Everything has been changed and we have just been living in this bubble of someday we will be together. I had to face reality.

Reality was that being with Casey was dangerous,us being a couple is not right in so many peoples eyes and if our family found out they would never be able to recover. I reasoned with myself that this was saving her and myself from being exposed because if it isn't Bradly then it's some other creep.Someone else will figure it out and it will be over.Seeing Casey was the hardest part there were so many times I wanted to hold her,smile at her but not sure what it meant when I did.

She came by the frat a few times and the brothers asked me was she my step sister or my girlfriend as a joke.I told them that she's my babysitter practically and we all laughed.I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know all of my feelings so every time I tried it turned into a fight. We argued and people saw that we were back to ourselves.

I remember when Sally left for Vancouver and how much it hurt.I was ready to drop out of high school and follow her.But this hurt worse,I felt suffocated by this heart ache because now I can't be there as a friend or a brother because those lines are blurred with boyfriend and lover. Everything was fucked up and I was angry at myself.I wanted to hug Casey and just say that it would be alright but I don't have the right.

I put on my jacket and drove home to the beach and just went to a secluded part with no couples and let the tear drops fall. That's when I saw Emily,I quickly rubbed my eyes and waved at her I forgot that we used to go on dates here and that the beach reunion party was here. It'll take me a few hours to get back to school but why was she in town.

"Hey Derek,is it raining or were those tears in your eyes?".

"Allergies,why are you in town Em?".

"Ah I'm visiting my mom,I had only one class and I like coming to this beach it helps me think,what about you?".

"I needed a safe place just to think to".

"It can be hard when your in love with Casey".

I was stunned and shocked just shaken to my core.How did she know?had she met Bradly somehow,did she see us? I tried to show nothing but my poker face sucked at this crucial moment.

"W-what are you,Emily she's my sister!".

"Not by blood and for the record I saw you two dancing but it was more than that night at the reunion beach bash.You two always bickered like an old married couple.It never felt like you two were ever resolved.Once I looked back I realized....I'm okay with it and for you two,well I'm happy for you."

"Well your a little late to the shipping party,we are broken up and I can't even be there for Casey".

"What! Why?".

I told her everything from the first kiss to Bradly and his threats to how Casey felt to how I hurt to how we just couldn't keep up the lies. How the guilt of lying to my dad and Nora and Lizzy,Marty,Ed and baby Blake.Well it felt wrong and how the high of being a secret had run it's course. Once I finished I waited for Emily's response.

"Derek....I have just one question?".

"Yeah?".

"Do you love Casey?".

"Yep that never stopped but the problem is how do I love her,can I be a friend? A brother? I just want to be with her and hug her,I got jealous and said a lot but I don't know how I feel.I ruined any chance of being a brother to her or a friend."

"Derek you need to figure that out before anything else happens with Casey and I'm cheering for you Dasey for life haha".

"Haha Dasey that's cute".

We just sat for a little and chatted about all this craziness.Emily told me about her current guy and how he feels right.Hearing her describe her love for this guy slightly confused me but made other things clearer then they were before. I hugged Em and made my drive back to school.Driving helped me and the beach helped so did Emily and it felt nice to know she didn't hate us or was disgusted by us. Somethings were clear while others were clouded but I left a bit happier then when I arrived.