Chaos Realms|| Prism Arcs Book 1

Chapter 23

Indeed, I did wake up with my hands clutching the blankets around my stomach. Moving my head to the side, I let out a quiet sigh, not having woke my husband up from his own dreams.

With that dream replaying in my mind I didn't feel like trying to fight my way back to sleep. Carefully I move the blankets to slip my legs out of the warm covers. Padding around the bed and out the bedroom door. Cutting through the library and out onto the balcony to breathe in the night air. Hoping it would clear my head.

On its own accord my hand rubbed at my flat stomach, void of any life, the curse of being inside a game. Made up of codes and not real flesh.

My breathing hitched as tears pooled in my eyes the longer my hand ran over the flat expanse of my body. I was a wife. And yet I couldn't give my husband the simplest gift that symbolized our love. I wanted to, god, how I wanted to give him a child that would be the perfect mixture of the both of us.

It simply wasn't to be as long as we were stuck in this game. The reality of it hitting hard as that empty void grew louder. Finally knowing what I was missing, but something I couldn't have. Not here.

Arms wrapped themselves around me from behind, as a solid chest pressed against the expanse of my back. A gentle kiss to the side of my neck had me filling with guilt as I squeezed my eyes closed, causing a few more tears to slip out.

My husband placed his head in the crook of my shoulder as he lightly swayed us side to side, "What is on your mind, my love?"

Wiping away the evidence of my sorrow, I cleared my throat a couple of times in order to speak without most of the nasal sound, "I woke up due to a dream and just felt as if I needed some air. I am sorry if I woke you." Stroking his arms wrapped around my waist.

He hummed in understanding, giving me another minute to compose myself further, "A bad dream?"

Shaking my head, "No" Sighing wistfully as I gaze up at the twinkling lights above us, "A wonderful dream, that I so desperately want to be real." Why couldn't it be real?

His arms constricted in a light squeeze, "What to talk about it?"

Shaking my head, I felt him nod. "Alright, at least come back to bed. It is late, and we both could use sleep. Come, my love." Haldis gently scooped me up and carried me back to our room. As much as I tried, I couldn't get much sleep the rest of the night.

Or the night after that. The dream kept reoccurring almost every night since that point. Along with it my guilt of being able to give my loving husband a child of our own. Unable to face my husband or even look him in the eyes at the result of my own inadequacy I bury myself into work.

Making it so I went to the office before Haldis woke and returned from my duties long after he went to bed. And the times he had come to see me, I used the excuse of having too much paperwork to be comfortable to be pulled away from it at the time.

My actions put a strain on our relationship and on those around us. I felt backed into a corner, digging myself in deeper with everyday that passed. My brother often asked me if I was alright, shrugging him off, I would tell him that everything was fine.

How could I tell him, let alone Haldis, that I was disappointed in myself for being unable to conceive. My maternal instincts unsated. As males, I didn't think they would understand.

It was late at night when I finally left the sanctuary that had become my office, sure that Haldis was now asleep. Locking my office, I slowly trudge my way to our house, adding extra time to the walk. Entering a dark house.

Shedding off my overcoat, I deny the squeal that escaped my throat as the lights suddenly flickered on. Revealing a stoic Haldis, sitting on one of the island chairs, his arms folded across his chest. "I think it is time for us to talk, my love, and stop running away."