Accidents II

Chapter 39

ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ʏᴇᴀʀs ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ...

I wake up to the sound of New York City: cars honking in traffic, wind swirling and the people chattering just out my window of my own apartment here.

Im renting my own place but it took awhile to progress everything. Dias wanted to pay for my rent but I told her not to. I'm twenty two. I'm an adult and I'm ready to fend for myself.

A lot has changed. I work at a law firm in Brooklyn and Edward is my personal driver since I still haven't bought my own car yet. He's been there for me when I needed it the most, and I couldn't be anymore grateful. Edward asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him but It just didn't feel right to me so I politely declined. But Edward has a girlfriend now, her name is Salma. She's very sweet and we've hanged out a couple of times. She's a little quiet and shy but she kinda reminds me of myself, my old self.

Dias introduced me to a couple of men, some much older than me, some very sweet, some attractive, and they all just weren't for me.

Joe asked me out not long ago and i said no. He kept asking and followed me to work once and took me out for lunch. I told him it was creepy but he seemed serious. "Give me a chance." He said and so I did. He opened up to me and told me that what Damon did was wrong. I didn't feel comfortable talking about him with Joe and since then he hasn't said a word about Damon. I wanted to try it out but that just sounded like using. And that's not me. I told him I wasn't ready for anything, and since that day I haven't heard from Joe.

I started to focus on myself and my job, which really is paying off.

I always wanted to be a journalist but things changed. I hate to admit it but every little thing in my past somehow relates and reminds me of Damon. It could be a simple dress I wore when I was with him or food that he'd eat. I haven't spoken to Austin, nor any of them about Damon since the day he left me. They tried to get a word out of me but I knew better than telling them. If it was something so serious that Damon didn't even want me to know, why would he be okay with them knowing?

But now I know. Just a year ago, Damon's therapist got a hold of me. He told me what happened the last time he had a session with him and that he's worried about Damon. He told me that he wanted to get a hold of me or someone he was close with but didn't know how to since Damon completely ghosted him. Corey told me he seemed scared...that he didn't know what to do and that whatever he does I shouldn't take it personally.

I start to cry. I can't keep thinking about him like this. I wipe away my tears and my face forms straight again. I'm honestly doing better, with my job and really looking after myself for a change. Loving myself.

But after I was getting myself together and feeing like me again...Charles called me. A month ago. He told me that Damon hasn't been acting like himself and that he's slowly becoming unrecognizable that even Charles doesn't know how to get Damon to listen to him.

Charles wanted me to come back to Chicago and help him, convince him to come back to New York. But I just wasn't ready. I'm scared. I'm afraid of all the possibilities that can happen. I'm afraid to admit I still feel the same way and that loving him hasn't changed. I'm so embarrassed of admitting that. It's hard to fully lose feelings for someone you've been with and went through deep, scarring, and happiest moments together. I'm completely meme when I'm with him. I just wonder if he will feel the same way? I'm afraid to hear how he feels about me.

I haven't heard from Charles since that phone call which worries me.

Corey gave me the capsules that Damon was suppose to use since I told him I might be visiting him. He's in a dark place and I want to be there for him. But I'll never forget how he didn't even try to explain himself to me but instead abandoned me?  That's just how it is with me. I know that Damon has hurt me constantly but I still wish him the best. Going there and helping him go onto the right path is what really matters to me because I know Damon. And he would never leave me if it were serious, and maybe that's how he put it in his head.