Rhythms and Skies

Second Step

Why do I have to wake up?

That's the first thing that came to my mind pag-mulat na pag-mulat ko sa mata ko. Bakit pa ba ako nagising? Mas magiging masaya siguro ako kung hindi na. That's a lot better.

I glanced at the red wall clock on my Kuya Lijah's room. 8:30PM says the clock. It was three pm when I got home. I remember crying for like two hours. Almost four hours din pala akong natutulog.

Ano namang gagawin ko ngayon? No one's gonna cook for me. I don't know how. Mom never teach me how. Well, I once tried. I almost burn the kitchen kaya hindi na naulit.

Gosh, I'm freaking hungry. I'm so done with pizza and pasta na pinapadeliver ko for four months. I haven't eaten proper meal yet for four months!

"See, Mom? You left me knowing nothing," I sighed. It not like Mom wants to leave, the other side of my brain said. Alam ko naman na kung mas gugustuhin nina Mommy na nasa tabi ko, it's just that...life happens.

I want sinigang so bad. Si Mommy lang naman 'yung alam kung paano lutuin 'yung favorite version ko of sinigang. Now, how am I supposed to eat my favorite viand?

I got off of the bed. I open the door at kadiliman ang bumabalot sa bahay. Nakalimutan ko palang mag open ng ilaw kanina. The place is so dark. Wala din akong marinig na kahit ano para akong nasa isang lugar na hindi ko alam. I'm so familiar with this place yet so lost.

I reached for the switch at binuksan ang ilaw. Pumunta ako sa kitchen, I open the refrigerator at naghanap ng makakain. All I can hear is my footstep. Kinuha ko ang tirang carbonara na inorder ko noong nakaraan. I heat it with the microwave and sat on the dining table.

Doon ako umupo kung saan ako madalas naka pwesto. I started mixing my pasta, slowly. I eat it kahit nahihirapan ako sa pagkain. Memories flash on my mind. We used to eat together in this table. Sobrang ingay ng hapag kapag dinner na. Beside me is Kuya Lijah who always give me food. Siya lagi 'yung nag s-serve ng pagkain sakin. Dad, My dad used to throw corny jokes habang kumakain na sinasabayan naman ni Kuya Lawrence. They always teased me because I hate their daddy jokes. Pero ngayon, I wish I can hear their jokes again. I missed it, sobra. I miss how mom watch us with such adore in her eyes.

Hindi ko na kaya. Nilayo ko ang pagkain sa'kin at nagdukmo sa table. There I start crying again, I cried until mapagod ako. Pero hindi, wala pa ring palya. Bakit hindi humihinto 'yung sakit? Buhay pa ako pero parang patay na 'ko. Pagod na 'ko kakaiiyak pero ayaw parin huminto.

My sobs echoed in house. For a minutes I stayed there sitting, crying and screaming my pain out.

After that I decided to go out. Hindi ko na kaya pang mag stay dito sa bahay baka mabaliw na 'ko sa lungkot. I need distraction. I need noises.

I took a bath and wear my party clothes. I wear Black leather short, Bralette and a see through na tinuck-in ko.

I drove my Ford Ranger. I drove around La Glancè. I don't know where shall I go. I stopped around the La Glancè Main park. I don't want to go on a cafe. Then, I remember the bar around here. Neon Lights.

I parked my car and pumasok sa bar. The bouncer look for my ID. Napataas ang kilay ko, do I like I'm not legal age? I rolled my eyes.

There's a lot of people, maybe ganito talaga. I'm not used to this. There's a band sa stage. May gig siguro, malamang.

I went to the bar counter. No need for the couch wala naman akong kasama.

I laugh at the thoughts na sobrang lakas ng loob kong pumunta rito sa bar ng mag-isa. If anything happens here, kasalanan ko naman.